If Christian and I would have gotten together in high school, that is how it would have been for us. Well, not that I was goth and he was a jock, but that people would have blown their tops wondering how WE got together, of all people.
Christian and I never would have made a good match in high school. For one, he was seriously dating my best friend our senior year (and I had a serious crush on HIS best friend). Plus, he was a trend setter. He always wore cool clothes. He seemed really confident. He was the lead in school and community plays (he played Joseph in Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat and Prince Charming in Cinderella). He was voted Dreamboat (best looking) our senior year (although he swears it's because the girl who administered the ballots had a crush on him). I could go on, but I don't want to embarrass him any more than I already have.
Me, on the other hand? I was kind of a nerd. I was uptight, I got A's and A minuses. I had a low self esteem. I read all of the time. I was definitely a goody-goody. (P.S. This was my view of myself in high school. I know I'm being stereotypical, but that's kind of my point of this post. Christian was the "cool kid," and I was the "nerd.")
I once asked Christian what he thought of me in high school, and he said, "You seemed nice. Quiet. Very tall and pretty with long, blonde hair."
High school is a time of trying to figure out who you are and where you belong in this world. For some people, it is also a time of trying to figure out how to fit in. Have you ever wondered what people thought of you in high school? I don't know if I want to know. There are five people I graduated with who read my blog (that I know of, anyway. Or I may not know of them, like my ex-boyfriend's wife. Or my ex-boyfriend, horror of horrors.). I wonder if they think I am the same person I was in high school, or if they think I have changed (according to what they read about me on my blog)?
For me personally, I think it's a bit of both. I am the same Erin, full of anxiety with a low self-esteem (although both are to a MUCH lesser extent), but I am also completely different from the person I used to be. Thank goodness.
I feel like I am blathering on now, so I'll end with a few things you can think about (and comment on, if you would like to). Do you feel like you are the same person you were in high school? I noticed the poll results, with a third of you saying you loved high school, a fourth of you saying you hated it, and the rest of you were somewhere in the middle. Do you feel like there is a correlation between how much you liked high school and where you belonged in the caste system of high school?
P.S. I realize high school was 16 years ago for me, and even more for some of you. This post may seem pointless to some of you, since it was so long ago, but I like ruminating over who I was and how far I've come. It's healing for me.
29 people wanted to leave a comment:
"Dreamboat"??? We truly came from different times. hahaha
Thought-provoking post! I was much like you were in high school, and I also married one of the cool guys. Well, cool nerd guy anyway. Neil managed to cross caste boundaries somehow.
When I was in high school, I wanted to be someone other than I was. Part of growing up, for me, has been about learning to like who I am.
I lacked serious confidence in high school, and I was never the kind of social butterfly I am now. I've always been funny and had a good sense of humor, but I never really felt comfortable BEING funny.
I had no friends at my actual school, because I lived in a town away, so I didn't have a home ward. It wasn't a fun time for me.
Ahh... these thought have been on my mind lately with the invite for my 10 year reunion (class of 2000!) in my facebook events. About a year ago, a good friend from 6-12th grade friended me on fb. I haven't had contact with this friend in over 9 years. Yeah, apparently we were not that close. ANYWAYS, she asked 'are you still the same Heather?' and my first thought was, 'let's hope not! i'm a grown up now'. I wasn't in the 'cool' group, but many of my friends were.
NONE of my close friends were LDS, so by the time it was cooler to sleep with your boyfriend than go tping, I kinda got over those friends. That quickly too. I left for college, and meet some people that I will ALWAYS be friends with because they share the same values as me. They were friends with me as I was figuring out who I was and who I wanted to be. Not friends with me in high school when I wasn't yet sure.
The weird part for me is that my main 'group' from high school are all still very close. They roomed at college together, married within our group, and were in each others weddings. They are organizing our reunion with an open bar and tickets that will cost me $150 to bring and show off my husband. Am I interested in hanging out with old 'friends' of a girl that I'm not anymore, while said 'friends' are drinking? Not really.
Now do I have lots of fun memories from those four years? Sure. But I wouldn't go back for ANYTHING.
HS was 15 years ago for me, and honestly it's a distant memory. A distant GOOD memory...but waaay distant. My current life has replaced those memories over and over again.
Maybe I don't remember much from HS because it was overall a good experience and nothing bad sticks out? I dunno.
I currently serve in the YW presidency at church and the YW president (a few years older than me) is often talking about her HS memories and asking me how I felt in HS, how we can take our experiences to help the girls we teach currently...yada yada yada, and I feel really lame, and at times want to yell "It was FIFTEEN years ago!!" lol
I'm currently FB friends with a lot of HS friends. Probably because I live here in CA just 10 miles from my old HS stomping grounds and a lot of us still live close...but honestly when I drive passed my HS, I think of those times with fondness even though I can't recall specifics!
I KNOW I'm different than I was in HS. Being a wife and mother has changed me ALL for the better and I'm grateful for my life and those HS experiences that must have helped mold me into who I am.
I went to a tiny highschool with an even tinier LDS population (at most times during high school I was the only member in my grade) so it was hard to identify with most people. I had fun the older I got. I went from completely miserable my freshmen year to having lots of fun my senior year. I ended up marrying a boy from school who I hated when we met in 8th grade. So I understand the whole thing with you and Christian all to well! I always thought I would have to leave my small town to find a husband since there were no members but I guess I just had to convert one instead! I look back at high school mostly with fond memories although I know I was a brat and gave my parents headaches on a daily basis. I am friends with most of the people that were in my graduating class but there were only 98 of us so that isn't hard! Lots to think about. It has only been 8 years for me but sometimes it seems like that was something that never happened. I am feeling old. lol.
I've heard that people are either HS people or college people. I was much more a college person. HS was a big drama-fest that I didn't really want to participate in. By the end of my senior year I had the epiphany that "I never have to see these people again if I don't want to." That changed my outlook a lot and I stopped caring so much what others thought of me. Couldn't pay me enough to go back.
and when I say friends I mean FB friends. Forgot the FB part.
Interesting thing to reflect on.
While I was a nerd in high school, I was very content/ happy with who I was as a person. I think that I'm a little more insecure with myself now than I was then.
I'm not sure why.
Also... I was a high school nobody, and Hubby was Prom King & All State jock in just about every sport. We never would have dated in high school.
High school wasn't too long ago for me...and I think I'm pretty much the same person. However, I think I'm more happy with who I am now then I was then. Of course, I was always concerned about who my friends were, who I liked, how I looked, if I was cool... If the me Now could talk to the me Then, I'd tell myself to relax, focus on being a good friend, forget about dating/boyfriends and just have fun. Of course, the me Then wouldn't have listened:)
I hated high school!
And I am quite different from the person that I am now.
High school- I was more shy than I am now, less self-confidence and probably had less friends.
NOW-
More friends, WAY more confidence and I know what I want to do with my life.
I don't think I caught your poll but I pretty much hated high school.
I would NEVER go to a reunion.
I graduated in 1994, just like you! Oh that ROCKS! ;)
Anyhoo, that is my comment. For now.
Until I think of something else.
Man, I feel old! I graduated in 1987 from a big high school in Virginia. There were not a lot of LDS in our school, but those of us who were all went to early morning seminary together and high school together. In fact, high school ended up being a missionary experience for many of us "mormon kids". We ended up having many of our nonmember friends come to early morning seminary with us, they came to church activities with us and even came to our Stake dances. Many are still dear friends today even though we are all spread out across the country. I was not in the popular crowd but I was always having fun. I need to find a way to get that "fun" self back-being a mom has made me more serious (think it must be the teenagers!). I also had good times in college too. There is a goal for me - get some fun back:)
I am definitely not the same person I was then (I'm much wiser and better looking :) Seriously, I'm much more confident and comfortable with who I am. And yes..I do think there is a direct correlation between how much I loathed high school and where I fit in. Sad, but true.
P.S. for the record..Kyle and I's relationship was much like the lead characters in the movie Pretty in Pink.
So glad HS is over. Never want to go back. Remember when mom went to her 20th HS reunion? I thought she was so old. That is only 4 years away for you. HA, HA! YOU'RE OLD!!!!! But, crap, so am I. Anyway, I think I am different than I was in HS. I have a lot more confidence in myself and I know who I am more. There are parts of me that I wish I could get back, but also parts I am so grateful to have left behind.
I just love the topics you write on for your posts. Really. You are so creative and smart. Just saying.
This got me thinking about Ryan and I. Would we have connected in high school? I don't know...hmmmm....
I'm a lot different than in high school, I think. There are some characteristics that are the same. For example, I was and am a bookworm. But some things are different, like my sense of style (I have one now). I don't keep in touch with a single friend from high school and I don't miss it. But I don't hate it, either.
It's my 25th reunion this year. Eeek! It seems like yesterday in some ways and forever ago in other ways. I seriously lacked confidence in school. I started to come out of my shell a little during the end of my senior year. I am not the same person as I was back then thank goodness. The years and experiences I have had since then have shaped me into a person that I like much better. I have a lot more confidence in my self but I too still have a poor self esteem as I always have. I really hated those years and was really glad when it was over.
I hope you counted me as one of you blog stockers that went to high school with you. I wish I had known you better in High School. To me you always seemed so kind, smart and quiet.
I thought of myself the same way as a nerd, insecure, shy.
I often wonder that myself. I know in highschool I often felt like I was two different people. With my church friends and at church activities, I was the popular outgoing one. At school, I was in band, I was in drama, I was in honors classes.. and I was coming out of junior high where I had been more shy and quiet. So even while in high school I felt like I led two different lives so yeah I do wonder what people thought of me.
Oh and I so would not have dated my husband in high school either, he was the star of the basketball team that all the girls loved, I was in the band :)
Interesting post, Erin. I actually loved high school. I had friends and my own niche was certainly not popular. I had a few good friends and we had fun. I am so over high school now. Fond memories and it was important in some ways, but I am such a different person. So much more of life-shaping things have happened after high school (mission, marriage, kids, career, church callings) that I don't even feel like that was who I was for real.
My own high-school summary: friends in all "castes" but really belonged to none. I think I'm still a lot of the same person, only I'd like to think of myself as wiser.
And my husband and I would have HATED each other in high school. He jokes that if my dad had known him then, he would have preferred for me to marry Ozzy Osbourne because at least he had money.
I actually dated my husband in high school, and we broke up. Seven years later we got back in touch & the rest is history.
So I guess I'm still the same basic version of myself, with a few tweaks here and there for confidence. Thank God.
My family moved alot so I actually went to 5 different High Schools. It is weird when you do that. On the one hand I learned to make friends really easily but on the other they don't really become long term friends because you move and people forget you if they've known you sometimes less than a year.
It has affected who I am today in the fact that I still make friends really easily but I am totally OK with being by myself too. For instance I have no problem going to a movie by myself.
I also will never go to a HS reunion because I was never at any one school long enough to make attachments like that. It used to bug me but now I'm kind of glad I don't have to worry about it :D
The other thing is that it really made me want my kids to have the "real" HS experience (or what I perceived it to be and what I imagined I missed out on. So we have never moved. They all grew up with the same kids and made lifelong friends and were football stars and Homecoming Princesses and will be going to their HS reunions because they have ties and relationships. I like that. I like that I could give that to them knowing the difference.
Out of all this reminiscing the funniest thing to me is that my husband and I did meet in High School - best thing that ever happened to me. He was very shy I was very outgoing.
You know what they say and it is true "Opposites attract!"
My family moved alot so I actually went to 5 different High Schools. It is weird when you do that. On the one hand I learned to make friends really easily but on the other they don't really become long term friends because you move and people forget you if they've known you sometimes less than a year.
It has affected who I am today in the fact that I still make friends really easily but I am totally OK with being by myself too. For instance I have no problem going to a movie by myself.
I also will never go to a HS reunion because I was never at any one school long enough to make attachments like that. It used to bug me but now I'm kind of glad I don't have to worry about it :D
The other thing is that it really made me want my kids to have the "real" HS experience (or what I perceived it to be and what I imagined I missed out on. So we have never moved. They all grew up with the same kids and made lifelong friends and were football stars and Homecoming Princesses and will be going to their HS reunions because they have ties and relationships. I like that. I like that I could give that to them knowing the difference.
Out of all this reminiscing the funniest thing to me is that my husband and I did meet in High School - best thing that ever happened to me. He was very shy I was very outgoing.
You know what they say and it is true "Opposites attract!"
Wow, your questions were obviously very thought provoking. My response isn't. I feel like the same girl, but living a different life and have my feet planted much more firmly on the ground.
That kind of reflection is good, especially when you see growth and progress.
I thought very highly of you in HS. =) You were so very smart and extremely nice. Plus you kicked my butt in French and that I am ashamed of. HEHE.
I've often wondered these same things.
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