"I was talking about you today."
"Oh yeah? Was it accompanied by swearing and stuff?"
"No! That was two years ago."
Yep, things are a thousand times better than they were two years ago. I was ruminating over what has changed since then, and how different I have become since then.
- Whenever Christian has been out of town in the past, I have always gotten this weird panicky feeling that would hit around 4:00 PM. It was homesickness mixed with severe loneliness, with a splash of terror thrown in. Christian has been gone for four days, and I haven't felt that at all.
- In addition, I have always had the hardest time getting to sleep at night when he isn't here. And while I'm showing you all of my past crazy, we'll throw in a touch of scared-of-the-darkness and worried-that-the-house-is-hauntedness. I have had no problems this week with that brand of crazy.
- (Seriously, those two issues have been huge issues in the past, and I can't get over the fact that neither one is bothering me this week.)
- Christian and I have a much better relationship than we have ever had. Hallelujah!
- I am more honest. Mostly with him, but I'm starting to be more honest with everybody. And by that, I mean I am learning how to not worry about what other people think of me, which is a BIG DEAL.
- I happily moved halfway across the country, and I'm pretty sure it's the best thing we could have done for our family.
- I don't approach life from a black and white perspective anymore. Life isn't all or nothing. Looking at things from an extreme perspective in either direction just sucks. I try really hard not to do it anymore.
- I used to think the Feminist Mormon Housewives blog was a bunch of, well, crazy feminists. Now it's one of my favorite blogs. (Although, I still just lurk. I don't comment yet.) And I guess that makes me one of those crazy feminists!
- I am happier, more well-adjusted, and more secure in myself now. I am definitely not the same person I was two years ago.
18 people wanted to leave a comment:
I like you. And am happy for you.
This post makes me happy :)
Erin, this is awesome! I'm so glad to hear that things are going well while Christian is away. I can't believe it's been two years. Hooray for being in a much happier place.
I'm so happy for you! I have thought about your life bomb many times, and though I don't know what happened, I hoped you figured it all out in a good way. :)
It makes me happy to know that things are going well. You sound happy, and that is GREAT!!
I think you are wonderful! I'm glad for you that you are better because of your life bomb. It's hard to look at ourselves and make real internal changes. I'm utterly impressed.
What a great update! I'm so glad that you've seen so much growth and change and can recognize it. I'm ready for some growth, too. I think without the bomb, but I've had a whole series of experiences in the last week or so that show me where I need to be, and I'm definitely not there. Excited to head in that direction, though!
Happy Life Bomb-day! I would have given anything to have spent it with you rolling our eyes at my kids' antics and staying up too late watching ANTM. Speaking of, I'm off to watch the first two episodes with some friends. Glad all is well.
I am so glad that things are so much better for you now. The move to small town Iowa and your new home seem like it was a really good thing for you. You seem very happy which makes me and everyone else happy to. So happy anniversary! :)
I'm so glad you're doing so well!!
I'm sorry I haven't commented in FOREVER. I'm pretty sure I'm having one of those "life bomb" years. Not really a specific meltdown, but just a year full of trials... It makes blogging not very fun. Ya know? :)
I find that I'm searching my brain for an experience in my life I would call a "life bomb". I'm sure there are more than one, but none of them are coming to mind under that name. Maybe I just call them "dark periods" or "1999 and 2008" - those were really bad years. Either way, I'm glad you're in a happy place!
Life bombs stink, but I am so glad you have worked through it.
And change is good, huh?
I'm glad that your life bomb was good for you. I remember you writing about it and wondering what in the world was going on, and were you going to be okay. I'm very glad you're so very "okay" right now. :o)
I was just reading FMH ("Ask a Mormon Girl" is one of my favorites) and realized that I never commented on this post. I love FMH, too. I used to read the comments and even commented myself once or twice, but stopped long ago. I love to read it and think, but I stay away from the comments now.
I'm so glad you're doing well and loving Iowa. I would LOVE to move back to the midwest. (I grew up in Kansas.) It's a great place to raise a family.
I'm so nosy, are you ever going to share what the actual life bomb was? You're killing me here.
Good for you! Not sure what your life bomb was, but I agree that life isn't black and white. I've been learning that over that past few years. I also hate it when Hubs travels. It doesn't happen so much at our house anymore and I'm glad for that.
And I am right there with you on the husband out of town anxiety. I used to be like that, too, right down to the ghosts (which isn't really possible since our house was built by us on a old apple orchard that had never been anything else…still, basements creep me out and I would sleep with two phones). And things has improved vastly, even with his traveling a lot more recently. It's rather nice to not freak out, and instead watch girly movies he doesn't like and make all the meals that aren't his favorites.
I often think back to my Life Bomb that happened six years ago. It sucked at that time, but I grew so much from it. My relationship with my husband improved, and I finally started loving ME...no matter what anyone else thought of me or my actions. I had to take a step back and realize what and WHO really mattered to me. I truly love the person I became much more than the person I was.
I also love FMH!! I used to comment, but not so much anymore.
I'm so glad things are better. I know that's the good thing about life bombs...hard as they are, they almost always turn out for our best good. Sounds like yours has done that for you. :)
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