Christian and I have had some pretty intense discussions about this very subject. Up until very recently, I felt that I had to be nice to everyone, for two reasons: 1) to not hurt their feelings and 2) so they will like me. In other words, if you want blunt truth, don't ask me. If you ask me if the shirt you are wearing is ugly and it is, I will diplomatically say that it's all right, but I like V-necks on you much better.
So I've been realizing recently, particularly on my blog, that if I try to cater to people and say things that will "soften the blow" so to speak, people are apt to get upset or offended anyway. So here I am , trying to say things in a certain way for other people, and I get raked over the coals anyway. Why not just say it like I feel it and stop catering to others? A perfect example is a couple of blog posts ago when I used the word "sucks." I know some people don't like that word; but I say it in real life so I did on my blog too. Just being myself over here in my own little corner of the blogosphere.
Christian and I were talking a couple of weeks ago about being nice versus being honest. I said, "What about Jesus? He was nice to everyone." (In my head I was kind of thinking HAH! I got you!) But Christian said, "What? You don't think Jesus called people on their crap? What about the woman taken up in adultery? He reproved the men who were casting stones. He wasn't mean, he was just honest. Then he told the woman to go and sin no more."
Oh.
I have been thinking a lot about this subject since then. When my husband was growing a beard, I was being all diplomatic and saying that it was fine. But when he pressed me into being honest, I told him it bugs me to kiss him because it's itchy. And he was like, "Okay! Thank you for being honest!" And he shaved it off (Whew!)
So now, I'm working on it. I want to stop worrying about hurting people's feelings, and essentially lying to them in the process. I want to be honest and have people like me for me. (And if they don't like me, well, that's okay too.)
Here's the question again:
It is more important to be honest or nice?
What is your opinion?
What is your opinion?
(I hate to beat a dead horse, but I realized something: I never actually answered my own question. Maybe that's why I failed my AP History test - the inability to answer the question asked of me. Well, that and the fact that I loathed history class.
So here is the question: Is it more important to be honest, or is it more important to be nice? And here is what my answer would have been if I had left it as a comment on someone else's blog: I believe that it is of utmost importance to be honest. If someone asks me a question, they want an honest answer, and I believe that I can give them my honest opinion in a kind manner. That being said, I would never give negative unsolicited advice. I always err on the side of kindness. Even when I teach piano, I give constructive criticism wrapped in between two or three honestly positive pieces of feedback. Therefore, the answer to my question would be that I believe you can be honest in a kind way. Or, to answer the direct question itself, I believe it is equally important to be both honest and nice.
So here is the question: Is it more important to be honest, or is it more important to be nice? And here is what my answer would have been if I had left it as a comment on someone else's blog: I believe that it is of utmost importance to be honest. If someone asks me a question, they want an honest answer, and I believe that I can give them my honest opinion in a kind manner. That being said, I would never give negative unsolicited advice. I always err on the side of kindness. Even when I teach piano, I give constructive criticism wrapped in between two or three honestly positive pieces of feedback. Therefore, the answer to my question would be that I believe you can be honest in a kind way. Or, to answer the direct question itself, I believe it is equally important to be both honest and nice.
55 people wanted to leave a comment:
Well, Erin, I guess it depends on who it is. If it's my husband, then brutally honest. If a friend I don't know very well, then nice!
Rosey
I can go both ways. I guess it really does depend on who it is. I try to be as honest as possible while also being diplomatic. I have learned though, never to ask a question that I don't want an honest answer for, because, typically, I will get told the truth. So, my comment is, don't ask the question if you can't handle the answer!
One of my nursing classmates described me as "abrasive" because I have a tendancy to tell it like it is. I think it is important to be nice in your approach of the honest truth...if that makes sense.
And, my approach varies dramatically with who I'm dealing with. I'm brutally honest with my husband & close friends (which they thank me for & know who to call) but when dealing with people I'm not very familiar with, I try my hardest to be honest without causing someone to go into a deep depression.
In this fabulous blogosphere, just be honest! This is your opportunity to express YOUR thoughts & opinions...and if someone stops reading that is their right to be offended, as it is your right to voice your opinions.
Just my two cents :o)
Good question. I am too honest a person to actually lie to be nice, but I'm not mean enough to be bluntly honest in some cases, either. Like the beard thing? I think I'd just tease him about how I don't love kissing sandpaper or something. I guess that's how I get around the honesty thing. Sort of be sarcastic or tease about stuff and the point gets across without (hopefully) having to be rude. But I sort of assume people know me and will get where I'm coming from so I'm sure I've offended or annoyed plenty of people who DIDN'T know me or get where I was coming from. Still, it's not worth it to me to try to be someone I'm really not.
I've struggled with that whole sarcasm thing quite a lot, though. I wrote a post or three about it and how I'd like to be more cultured or something. I think I've sort of given up. . .
The older I get, I find that it's more important to be honest than nice. However, you can be honest in a "nice" way. Just because something needs to be said, it doesn't mean you have to be a jerk when you say it.
WooHoo! I'm checking blogs before noon! Anyway, I think it depends on the situation. But you know me, it's harder for me to be nice. Not that I don't want to be - it just doesn't come naturally to me. And I've accepted that. And I don't mind if you say "sucks" because I do too!
I am usually quite honest. I think honesty is always the best policy. One of my biggest pet peeves is when people are fake especially when it is quite obvious that they are being fake nice. I would rather have someone be mean and honest then fake and nice. Every time. My husband and I have had this conversation many times too because I have this problem with my mother in law. She tends to be fake nice. That is one of the reasons I have a hard time being around her. So just be yourself and if you offend some people along the way, oh well, sucks to be them (oh are we not allowed to say that word? lol.)
Also, I would never have trouble telling my husband to get rid of the beard! My husband keeps trying to grow one and just pretends that he "forgot" to shave. The minute I notice he doesn't get so much as a hug until it goes away. I think he is starting to learn it is a hopeless cause.
Sometimes it's important to be honest, and sometimes it's important to be nice. Being nice can mean telling someone you honest opinion.
Erin, I'll answer your question in a moment, but first, a question for you.
Why do you blog? BE HONEST.
I'm starting to get the idea that you don't blog to keep a record of your family, to release random thoughts and ideas from your mind, or to share creative ideas. If you thought your blog started out with one of these objectives, I submit to you that you may have lost your objective along the way.
I guess my answer to your question is probably quite apparent. I believe in being honest. But I hope you don't read a tone of malice into my question above, because it is posed simply as a question for you to think about in terms of answering your obvious angst about negative comments left for you. Not as a criticism.
Didn't Jesus also overturn the tables of the moneychangers in the temple? That might not have been seen as being very nice, but sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do, right?
I definitely think it's better to be honest, but in a nice way if you can, like someone said before. After all, if you tell your friend that an ugly shirt looks "all right" instead of wrinkling your nose and saying, "It's not working for me--wear this instead," she'll be pretty mad when she realizes she wore a hideous shirt on an important date just because you were afraid of offending her. Know what I mean?
As far as blogs go, TELL IT LIKE IT IS! Always. There's nothing more refreshing in the blogosphere than pure and honest REALITY.
Oh, and one more thing! Do you REALLY want people who get mad because you use the word SUCK to come hang out with you? Would you want to hang out with them in a non-virtual situation? (unless of course this is your grandma, in which case, may I suggest blocking her?) As I have watched my readership decline into nothing, I remind myself that I don't really want people coming around if I wouldn't want to be their friend in a real way. Of course I self-edit some things, like I don't post that the baby at church looks like Dwight Schrute's love-child, because that might be seen as being hurtful and mean, instead of just plain funny. And because I know it is mean, I don't post it. (but it doesn't mean its not true! lol)
Yeah, that's a tough one. I think I'm like you in that respect; I want people to like me and I don't want anyone to take what I say the wrong way. For that reason, I've stayed up far to late on many occasions worried about how someone took an off handed statement.
What about with family? What do you do when someone close to you is making choices that are not obviously wrong, but that you can see them heading in the wrong direction? What if this person is someone that you don't want to lose, and regardless of what is or is not said, you still have to interact with them on a daily basis? I'm not just talking about their clothes, but the way they are leading their lives, and the effects that they might not be seeing on their children? Deep huh? Currently, I am choosing to be nice, but it is weighing on me more and more each day to be honest. Doesn't being honest make me the better friend? I look forward to reading what others say, and your reaction.
*on another note, I don't care why you blog- as long as you are blogging! i think you should be able to say whatever the HECK you want, but you have to be prepared for others to disagree with you.*
Honesty. I'm learning more and more to say what's right and not worry about what other's opinions. Having said that, I never endorse cruelty or trying to be cutting or demeaning. But if something is not right, I can't pretend that it's okay. Remember how Jesus would say things like "o ye of little faith," and follow it up with encouragment and good advice. I think that's kind of my style-- blunt as it may be.
As a side note, I say "sucks" in real life too. :)
What a great question! I'm sure there is a way to master merging the two together...wish I could do that, because I can be honest and try and say it in the nicest way, but people will still be offended, like you said. I think that if we are honest, that is also following a commandment but we are also to love everyone, so if we are lovingly honest, then maybe that's the key. It's HARD!
I don't think that honesty and being nice have to be mutually exclusive. Yes, Jesus was honest, but in the most kind and loving way possible.
In mny job, I think that sometimes, being nice turns into enabling, and it can in real life too.
I'm a pretty assertive person. But I'm also kind and empathetic.
And it's interesting, because I've had a lot of people leave comments or email me, telling me that they wish they could be as honest as I am on their blog, or I say the things they think, etc., but they are worried about their family finding out, etc.
I'm not sure why I can say "suck" and "nudity" all day long, and honestly, have very, very few negative feedback, but when you say it, or another Mormon Mommy blogger says it, people get up in arms.
Maybe because people know what to expect from me right from the get go?
Great question!! I struggle with this too and I know I am more nice, less honest. My writing group was having this conundrum in our writing group...do we want a nurturing group or a critical one? The critical one would help our writing more and the nurturing one would just stroke our egos. Last week was the first group with the new more critical feedback. Well, it was still kind, but the honest opinions were AWESOME!! We should have been doing that the whole time, and my outlook is honesty is best...just delivered kindly :)
I really struggle with this one from both sides of the spectrum. Sometimes I'm too blunt and it causes problems. Sometimes I'm too diplomatic, and it causes problems too. Finding that tricky balance of being honest AND kind is something I sometimes wonder if is going to me a lifetime to figure out.
I tend to be a pleaser so I'd say nice over honesty at first. However I think like the example you gave with the shirt, you can still be nice and honest at the same time. Even though you dont like the shirt you can say, "I like vnecks on you better". Being honest doesnt have to really equal being mean.
As for blogging I think it's just such a touchy topic. In real life if you said suck and who ever didn't like it on your blog didnt like it in real life then I doubt they'd tell you, but yet they feel fine reprimanding you here because it's less confrontational.
I'm still striking a balance. I'm a lot more free in real life, but only in certain company because I'm able to know my audience. Yet on my blog at any time anyone can read what I write. I still think I'm being true to myself, I guess I'm just being the more general me I'd be in a large group.Haha sorry for the tangent.
(I like KP's comment above, it was a good point I thought.)
I have been struggling with this same thing recently. I had a friend who I thought would appreciate my honesty and it nearly ended the friendship. I was not mean with my thoughts, I was as kind as possible, but I told her some things that were contrary to her opinion, and she was very very angry with me. I think a true friend sacrifices honesty just to be nice and it makes me sad that I cannot be a true friend to her any longer. But that is what she wants. It has gotten me thinking if I should just stop being honest and start being nice even if what she is doing is completely out of whack. I am going to have to think on this more. Thank you for sharing your thoughts on this. It is helping me sort out my own.
I learned a long time ago-or maybe it is just how I am wired-it really doesn't matter if people like me or not-if they don't it's their loss not mine-but I too like to be nice. I do think we need to be honest but I think it can be done in a nice way. Really I hate confrontation-but sometimes you've got to have it. People are people and someone usually WILL take offense if an opinion is stated-it's human nature.
Always be kind.
You can still be honest. It's all in the delivery.
Mom
In my opinion, it's more important to be honest.
When I'm honest, I'm generally also tactful and deliver that honest message as gently as I can. I am quite possibly too tactful and too gentle at times.
Also, I don't tend to share much unsolicited honesty. If people ask my opinion, I'm happy to share it - otherwise I tend to just listen. I wouldn't spontaneously tell someone that I didn't like their outfit before a big date, but I would share my opinion if they asked. My husband is probably the exception to this - I'd have no trouble telling him that I didn't like his beard.
I also tend to be pretty private. I can't imagine putting everything about myself out there on a blog - especially knowing that my family was reading. Yet, I love reading candid bloggers. I admire your ability to share as much as you do on your blog. It takes guts!
I haven't read the other comments, but here are my thoughts:
Honesty. Hands down. I've lost friendships over being lied to and over "white lies" and the like. Finding out later that someone lied to you to avoid hurting your feelings is worse than knowing the truth in the first place. (What, they didn't think I was a big enough person to handle it? Gee, thanks. Glad you think so highly of me.)
And your husband's right--Christ ticked off a LOT of people, including the Sanhedren and the moneychangers and many others--but he never strayed from the truth. And it got him killed.
Now I'm going to get hyper-opinionated (just a warning): I think there's a reason that honesty is a temple recommend question. I have PLENTY of weaknesses and faults (oh, boy, do I), but none of them are questions on that list.
I have never really thought that one needs to pick between being honest and nice. I think it's very possible to be fully honest in a kind way. I think the question comes from our motives. If we are being honest out of love, then it will all be taken in the right way (most of the time...some people will be offended no matter what you do), but if we are being honest for another motive (pride or malice), then it won't be kind and probably won't be taken well.
I had an experience recently with one of my vocal students that kind of drove the point home. He was having some major trouble with a certain technique and I was getting kind of exasperated. So, we stopped what we were doing and I said, "Good, good." What I meant was kind of "okay, let's try something different" but my student thought I was telling him he did a good job and he said, "Don't lie. I know that wasn't good and if I'm going to get better I need the truth." I appreciated that, because it made me be more aware of my tendencies to soften the blow all the time and really be honest. Because if I'm not honest with my vocal students, I do them a great disservice. And that can all extend to any part of life.
Love how your posts are making me think so hard lately.
I've been struggling with this one a lot lately, too... especially since my mom moved into town. I find that I often hold my tongue about what I really think because I don't like confrontation...
BUT, I think it's important to be honest about how we feel about things in life. So I'm trying to be better about it.
I admire you for attempting to do the same. It's impossible to please all people all the time.
I too have a problem with being too nice. But I do try to be honest. And sometimes I can be too honest as well. I need to find a balance. Good luck on finding your balance and being honest.
I am usually the kind of person that cares too much about what other people think of me. I hate for there to be awkward moments or hard feelings, so I tend to avoid that. My actions would have told you that nice would be my answer. Recently though,I've tried to work on that. I've decided that what I want and think are important too...and sometimes other people just might not like it. That's just the way it is. I think honesty is always the way to go....it's just all about how you present it.
Is it better to be honest or nice?
Hmmm... I was under the assumption one could do both.. as you said... with the shirt example.... Its ok.. but I like this kind better....
I think it is important to be honest.. but you want to do it in a way that is nice, tactful, and that will be appreciated instead of considered hurtful and mean...
Sounds to me like you already do it that way...
As for being yourself... keep that up to... who cares if someone has an issue with you saying something sucks.... I can think of a lot of things to say that would be worse than that.. lol...
Remember that whole scripture.. about how we should lean on the arm of the lord and not the arm of man. Man has to much drama!!
Keep up the good work being wonderful you... and if someone doesnt like the way you are sharing yourself...(here on blogland) well they have the option to not follow/ or read your blog... keep it moving type thing..
The question you have to ask yourself is this. Would you want somebody saying this to you? And if you don't maybe you shouldn't say it. Or you should be alittle more tactful when saying it. Sometime people need to hear the truth to change the way they do things.
In a temple recommend interview you are asked about your honesty in regards to your fellow man, not your niceness. However, we are also commanded to have charity. Love the person as God loves him or her and the right words usually come out--even if the other person isn't happy about the comment.
I guess I'd pick honest. Though I think it's usually possible to be both. If you're honest with a smile and a positive attitude, it's not your fault if the other person takes offense, right? So just because they're offended, doesn't mean you weren't being nice...know what I mean?
I'm brutally honest, and not very nice about it. I'm working on saying my honesty in a nicer tone of voice...not a "You're a moron" tone. hee hee
I think it is more important to be honest, but that is because I want people to be honest with me. With that said...I think you have to say things the right way and not just hate on people because they like different things.
Also, there is a difference between offering an unwanted opinion and honestly giving your opinion when asked. Does that make sense?? Hope so!
I like the honest but tactful answer. Sometimes, there are things that just SHOULDN'T BE SAID, no matter how true they are. But mostly, I say what I think/believe.
i love how you always get people thinking and talking!
and i also belive it's important to be BOTH. as many of your readers have already stated.
I tend to think that if I am too nice that people take advantage of my niceness. Actually being nice should not be confused with not trying to offend. You can be honest, but in a nice way. You do not have to be blatant or rude in order to be honest which is why so many people think that being nice is not being honest.
First of all, it blows me away that you should have to defend yourself on your own blog. I can't imagine why anyone would leave a negative comment anyway. We are free to live and say what we choose and if you don't like what someone says, then don't read it or come back. Why take the time to make someone feel bad about how they feel, especially if they don't know you. I just don't get that.
And here is my feelings with being honest and being nice. I have struggled with this a LOT with my husband's family. It is very easy for them to offend, but I have learned (from my husband and from their actions) that you cannot say anything to them without offending them (which, apparently, is a mortal sin). Therefore, this is a real issue with me. Fortunately for me, however, I don't have too many friends that I am not good enough friends with that I can't be nicely honest with them. If they don't ask, however, I don't tell (unless it is something horrible). But my thing is this, if you tell someone something, and it is honest, and you do it with kindness, love, and the Spirit of Christ in your heart, it is now for them to decide how they will react. They are in charge of their own feelings and can act or react accordingly. You never meant to hurt the person, you just told them, with love, how you feel. I have had too many situations where someone has been yelling at me or offending me where I have kindly told them how I felt and have walked away before I wasn't nice. It's now up to them to make what they will with the words. And, if I do look fat in something and someone told me that I did, it would hurt my feelings because I might think I look nice, but I would rather someone tell me than me walk around with a muffin top ;)
I use to be honest. But, that also came across as strong-minded/over-opinionated/hot headed/sometimes arrogant and/or self-righteous.
Agree with Lara. Honest in a nice way. If someone asks me if their outfit makes them look fat & they have no means to change it at the time, why make them feel bad? I'm not going to tell them it's the best outfit ever, but I can find SOMETHING about it that works.
Anyway. I'm learning to keep my mouth shut as I get older. And, as you have said, trying to care less what people think.
Anywho...not so black and white I guess.
I don't believe in brutal honesty. Just honesty. I want my word to be worth something.
There's a right way to be both honest and nice. I believe it's called being tactful, and it does take a bit of practice! I try really hard to be honest in a non-threatening or self-righteous way. That said, I do not care if people like me or not. I do. not. care.
Wow! Umm...Speechless. Not so much over the post..but some of the comments.
My opinion..I think its important to be honest IN a NICE Way. There is a difference between saying "Well, I don't particularly care for that shirt" vs "Dude, SOOO UGLY, I wouldn't put that on my dog!"
I think when it really comes down to it..Honesty must be first.
Life is too short, just be honest. You don't have to be nasty :) It takes time to be that way, but eventually you get tired of peoples crap, they hear what they want to anyways.
I think it depends on the situation.
Usually it's best to be honest, because if you lie and the person finds out, you'll have more trouble than if you just told the truth.
WOW--this one really struck a chord! I can totally relate to you on this one! I have those exact same feelings and internal debates. I don't ever want to hurt or offend anyone, so I tend to soften the blow. But I don't want to be that way. I want to me honest, in a nice way. I have been trying...and to be honest it's really hard for me. But I'm trying and while I keep trying, I guess it's nice to know that I have some company in my efforts!
What you see is what you get with me. I tell it like it is. I always try to be nice, but sometimes the truth hurts.
I don't care what people think about me. Usually. That is until I hear all the nasty mean things they have said, then I do care.
But, I don't care if they read my blog. I write my blog for me. I will say what I want... even if its "sucks" or "dammit". It's my blog, and having the most popular blog on the block and the most readers/comments isn't as important to me as being true to myself.
And, those nasty mcnasty pants comments? I look forward to them. I print them out and run them over with my car! FOR REALS! (you should try it. its so liberating and empowering!)
Does that make sense?
You have to write what is honest and true to YOU... otherwise it's just a lie and we all know where liars go! ;-> xox
I gave a really long and rambly answer to a similar question somewhere else the other day. Here's part of what I wrote:
I do think it’s important to have the courage to say and do what’s good and right in the face of all odds, but I don’t at all think it follows that offending others is always what’s good and right. While I don’t think we have to mince our words or cloak our actions in a hide-your-light-under-a-bucket way, and it’s true that sinners are frequently offended by righteousness, it’s also true that if we have real compassion and have developed our ability to put ourselves in others’ shoes and see through their eyes, we’ll be disinclined to intentionally do anything that would hurt them–unless we absolutely have to in order to be true to God. But I still think we’ll seek for ways to be peacemakers.
So basically, I agree with others here that the best thing is usually honesty with tact. It really does depend on the context and the relationship and what the Holy Ghost tells you, though. Sometimes being very direct is the kindest thing.
I try to be honest but do it in a nice way. I am firm believer that you can do both!
This was my first visit to your blog--love the title, BTW...though if you give this mom a moment she would probably read or create something. I keep a pen-and-paper journal and write frequent essays disguised as emails to my family list and the LDS women's list I belong to, but for some reason I could never get into blogging.
I have an observation, though. If I ask you if my shirt is ugly and you say it is, you're not telling the truth. You're giving an opinion. My shirt may, in fact, not be ugly, but only look so to you. Ugly is a judgement. So you can say you consider it ugly, and that would be honest, but to say it IS ugly is expressing an opinion as though it were a fact. Since hideousness is not an inherent, fundamental quality of the shirt the way, say, the color green might be (if the shirt is indeed green), to respond to "Is this shirt ugly?" with "Yes" is not exactly honest.
Just saying...though I doubt anyone really asks "Is this shirt ugly?" They usually ask something more along the lines of "Do you like this shirt?". In which case the honest answer might be "No, I think it's hideous."
BTW, right now I am wearing fleece pants printed with pink and green frogs. They are definitely ugly pants, but I don't care. I'm 43 years old and have newborn twins. Just being out of a bathrobe at 9:20 am is good for me these days. And given the state of my post-twin-pregnancy body, pretty much everything I'm wearing looks ugly. So if you see me, you're welcome to say so.
Because I don't think I have a Google account, I'm signing myself...
mejaka
Thanks Majeka for your comment. That is a very good observation - My opinion is just that - my opinion. It doesn't mean I'm right. It doesn't mean if someone is being honest with me that I have to accept what they say as gospel truth. I can choose to hear what they say, and either use their advice/what they said to me, or I can throw it aside if I feel it has no merit in my life.
By the way, pink and green frogs on fleece pants sound cute to me!
I'm pretty honest, but I try to be kind in my honesty. I mean, I don't always volunteer my opinion on something unless I'm asked for it. BUT it sounds like there's more to this question that just nice vs. honest. It sounds like you are transitioning between being who you want to be and being the person you think other people want you to be. Good for you.
The more happy you become with yourself the less the opinions of others matter. Especially the people whose opinion about you shouldn't matter to you at all. Example: Random people like me who read your blog.
Can't you be honest in the nicest possible way? Just add "Bless your heart" to the end of it and it makes anything you say ok. :)
Erin I adore you, you are really such a cutie. I am in the same boat as you I don't like to hurt people's feelings but when I read your post I thought about American Idol (I know I am a weirdo don't even try to follow my though process because I can't keep up sometimes) anyway... Paula is nice to everyone so when she gives you a critique you don't always know how sincere it is but you know where you stand with Simon you know that with him you are getting the most honest (though unfiltered) thought so when you get a complement from him and one from Paula which one means more. On the other hand if you are he can be really mean and to blunt so I say somewhere down the middle. Be sincere and honest but know when to use a filter and some tact.
Whenever I tell my friends that something looks hideous, I say, "Just remember, this is just my opinion. It doesn't mean anything." Yay makeka.
You know me, I'm big on saying it like it is! Honesty is the best policy.
but, I do think there are ways to tell someone what you honestly think in a nice way.
I'm not very good at that.
I wonder if I have asberger's or something.
Erin
What a great topic. I think everyone has their own opinion about being honest!! I tend to not be honest, because I don't want to hurt peoples feelings, but that is just me, then I go to my husband and let him all have it.. what I really thought!
I am sure you mean well, and really how many feelings of ppl have you hurt?
And PS its your blog you can write what you want!!!
I've always labeled myself as a people-pleaser. But in reality, I've always WANTED to tell them like it is. I'm finally maturing enough to be confident enough in myself to be honest. But like others have said - in a nice way. (Whenever it hasn't been in a nice way, I've definitely regretted it!!)
So my answer is honesty. Although, I find it easier to be honest on my blog than in person! Funny, since a lot of people are the other way around...
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