I HATE the fact that you can be pouring out your heart and soul into a blog post, and get near death threats as a result (Click here for a perfect example. And click here to read the beautiful blog post that created the near death threats.)
I HATE the fact that writing about anything personal, or anything more than just light-hearted fluff, causes so much angst in me.
I HATE the fact that the stupid followers button has turned into such a popularity contest. Just because someone has 300 followers doesn't mean they are a better blogger than someone with 5 followers. (It probably means they are a good networker.)
I HATE the fact that you can't get rid of the stupid followers number in your dashboard. It's always sitting there, right next to the name of your blog, waiting to give you a little feeling of elation when the number goes up, and a HUGE deflation feeling when the number goes down. "Who hates me now?" you think when someone un-follows you. "What did I do wrong?" I hate hate hate it.
I decided yesterday that I can't stand that stupid followers button anymore. I have had it at the bottom of my blog for a while, in case anyone uses it instead of a reader, but I'm all done. I also followed Motherboard's example (read this for a perfect explanation) and started following all of you anonymously. Nothing personal, I love all of you the same. (That's why your {ridiculously absurd} followers number went down yesterday, in case you didn't know.) I just can't stand the high school angst anymore, and I am all done wondering/worrying about whether people like me or not. I'm all done.
I originally thought I would turn comments off on this post, but I will leave them open if you want to tell me what you HATE about blogging. Or if you are ready to troll me, well, I guess I can take that too.
34 people wanted to leave a comment:
Yes. The number of followers is ridiculous. It doesn't mean anything. Not an indication of good or bad writing/blogging. It is not directly related to one's personal value.
I've gained followers, lost followers. Sometimes I get twenty comments, sometimes I get three. :) And my life is still important and meaningful and in no way related to whether or not my blog is on everybody's "it" list. For me, my comfort zone was found when I decided what I'm blogging for. What's my purpose? What need does it serve? I know the answer to those questions and only interact with the online world to the extent that it fulfills those needs. When it turns more into a middle school popularity contest, I retreat and say, Um. Not playing that game.
Good for you for doing what you need to do to make your blogging experience better. :)
I DID lose a follower yesterday, was that you??
I understand about the angst. Remind yourself why you blog. If it's just for yourself only. Your outlet, your journal, your form of expression, then baby, you got blow the rest off.
If you are doing it to be popular, raise your self esteem based on what others tell you,(which I really don't think thats you Erin), then it will always cause you angst.
I love your posts, I don't always comment, but I read and enjoy......
I've been wanting to go anonymous on the following front as well I just haven't had the time to sit down and take care of it.
Wow...you are having a tough day. I appreciate your honesty as always. You are blogging for YOU, keep that in mind. Sending a hug.
I don't care about my followers but I HATE that I follow and comment on people's blogs religiously and not once to they return the favor. It's just rude.
Thanks for the linky love -- obviousy you know what I hate about blogging! Ugh!
I'm glad I have a wordpress blog. It doesn't have that nasty following number right by your name. And people have to go out of their way to "follow" me, and a lot of peope don't realize that you CAN follow a non-blogspot blog. That's what I tell myself when I discover that my number pathetically low. hahaha. It's nice to have something to blame it on.
This is a great post. Usually we're all gushing on and on about all the wonderful things about blogging. It's nice for someone to admit that it's not always sweet and rosy...
Brava! Heartily agree with this whole post. Like Brillig, it's one reason I blog at Wordpress. Still, the angst comes back when comment counts drop (like they do EVERY summer) and I find myself installing a stat counter again to assure myself that people are still reading, and then I find myself checking it obsessively...and it all spirals out of control.
Why can't we just WRITE? =P
Do you read the NieNie and cjane blogs? One thing I really admire about theirs is that the comments are always off. People have to actually email them to give feedback. This doesn't mean they don't get feedback--they get lots, and not all of it is nice. But what it means is that the feedback is not posted on the internet where everyone can see it, which could cause an increase in embarrassment, angst, and awkwardness for the blogger.
As far as I know, the only people that read my blog are people that I know in real life--people that care about my feelings. But if I ever had a huge readership like some of these "professional" bloggers, the first thing I would do is turn my comments off. It would eliminate so much of the insecurity.
Good for you for getting rid of the things that make you feel insecure.
I'm not sure if I agree with Leslie about turning comments off. I think that loses a bit what a blog is about, and becomes more like a column.
It actually makes me crazy when someone turns comments off all the time! I have a blogger I love who decided to turn comments off at the beginning of the year, and I really wish I could leave comments sometimes.
I love being able to give my feedback, and read other people's feedback and connecting with people online. Therin lies the difference between blogging and other forms of internet forums.
I know people probably think I have like 700 followers, and it's just not true. But you will never know how many followers I do have, because I don't advertise it. Ever.
I am very lucky and very grateful for all the amazing readers I have and have met.
But I have been a bit burned out all summer, like many of the blogging world.
I loved this post! I never really got into the whole follower thing...and I'm really glad. It's one less silly thing to think about.
I love all your introspective posts about blogging. Turn off the follower things, turn off the comments, but please don't stop blogging!
The hating is pretty horrible. And I have only gotten one or two anon comments that were attacking me (and I still was able to figure out who wrote them pretty quickly, so the anon cowardly thing is silly anyway). But I stewed for days over those comments.
However, the following thing I have more perspective over. I refuse to see it as a popularity contest. It's just a tool. I finally put the followers thing on my blog to make it easier for people, but I rarely look at it. You're right, it has a lot more to do with networking than it does who writes the best blog. I love Keyona, but I disagree with her comment about following and commenting on blogs religiously and them not commenting back. It's really not rude. I try to do that, but sometimes I barely have the time to comment on the blogs I already follow and I cannot take more time out of my life for a this hobby, and so new readers have to go by the wayside a bit. Maybe it is rude, but you really can't expect people to read your blog just because you read theirs. That attitude is what makes it like Jr. High, IMO. If we let things like that bother us, then we are contributing to the problem. If we can see things more maturely regarding this aspect, we'd be a lot happier.
I'm thankful for every comment and reader I have, but if they all left tomorrow, I'd still blog, because I don't blog for them. I never have.
I'm glad you're done worrying whether or not you're liked, because it really isn't important. It causes us so much angst, as you put it, and it's no fun. Just enjoy yourself and ignore the trolls.
Besides, I like you, and that's all that should matter...right? ;)
Don't turn off comments! Nooooooooooooo
I agree with Kristina. I love being able to give my feedback and get feedback in return. I just turned off anonymous comments, and that has made my life five thousand times better.
I read those links...I found the woman's article with the autistic child especially touching. She has such a hard trial in life, but she also recognizes her son as a blessing and deals so well with it. I am so sad for her horrible, terrifying really, experience with the people online! Even in real life though. I think any time we put ourselves out in the world with our blogging, then we are totally going to fall into the hands of someone whose purpose in life is to tear down. It's a sad thing, but there is a lot of wickedness in the world, and by blogging we are subject to it. But, we are also able to come across some sweet people who are all about love. There is opposition in all things, right. Even blogging :).
I love to read your blog even though sometimes I don't leave comments. It doesn't make me like it any less. I think you've forgot the whole reason for you blogging. It's really about you, not everyone else.
I hate it when people voice their opinions in a Im right and your wrong sort of way.. instead of I think this way and you think that way sort of way....
Its also very annoying to come to wonderful places like your blog and read about people being just plain ole stupid and mean!!
I turn comment moderation on... thus eliminating any chance for anything bad to get posted... I dont mind if posters dont agree with my views... as long as it is done in a tactful way...
Sometimes it is like high school isnt it... I sometimes catch myself looking at my follower number and thinking... what would I do if it was bigger.... but then decide I dont care... I blog to keep track of my daily things... I transfer most all of it to my online journal to print out at the end of the year....
I blog for myself... not for anyone else. If I make some friends along the way.. fabulous.. and if not.. well thats ok to... my journal still gets an entry. =)
Hugs and thanks for setting such a wonderful example...
You're right you know. I had a minor spaz when I saw I was missing a follower.
Knowing that it was you makes me feel a bit better. I was like WHAT DID I DO?
I used to really care about having butt-loads of followers and comments and subscribers. But, then I realized that it was making me blog NOT for me... when I wrote something, I had other people BESIDES me in mind. What's the point of that?
I hate the follower widget. It's stupid, and makes people lazy. There are some incredible blogs that I read that only have 2-3 followers, and there are some super crappy ones that have thousands of followers. Its just them networking, and following every bloody blog out there. That's not personal. That's someone wanting to be popular. Or famous.
I also have toyed with taking the comments off my blog. I assume it would be rather liberating to write with no worries about trolls. But, the thing I love about blogging is the relationships created through the responding to comments. Lets face it... People are lazy. They won't email... So, comments remain.
I just no longer care if I have a lot of traffic. I quit looking at my sitemeter. I refuse to base my self worth on the amount of daily hits I get, or subscribers to my blog I have or the amount of comments I get on a post. I look at comments as the chocolate sauce to my already wonderful Ice cream Sundae.
Is my Sundae(blog) yucky without the sauce(comment)? Nope. Is it better with the sauce? Yup. But, its not ruined if I don't have it.
Make sense?
And truly, it is so fun to take those nasty mcnasty pants comments and run them over with your car. I actually look forward to one making me mad... because it feels oh.so.good to pretend its their head.
Seriously.
AMEN SISTA!!!!!!!
i love this post!
i took the FOLLOWERS thingy off my blog so i would not keep being obsessed about it... seriously.
i think your blog is fantabulous... and i am not InCogNito sortof... i am using a Ficticious name now... because of bloggy-commenty-rudeness.
but it is scary that i dont know if someone is just being RUDE or actually HATES me.... esp. when i am being called an "Effin Bee" but they spelled it right out.... for all to see.
yeah. freaky i know.
I HATE the numbers thing, too!! This isn't high school, people!
Sidenote - I'm SO bummed that I've gotten behind on your blog!! We'll be back home on Monday or Tuesday, so be prepared for lots of comments from me after that! :)
I can't believe that people would leave rude comments! You are putting yourself out there and writing about your thoughts and feelings. If people have something mean and rude to say, they should keep it to theirselves. I love reading your blog and the surprises that I find in your writing:)
Mean people are everywhere. It's sad too that they have to ruin the fun for so many.
I was part of a forum about 2 years ago that I got really into. After a while it all just fizzled for me because it stopped being fun. Why, because a few of the frequenters started getting catty. I hated watching it so I just going there to play. And you know what. I honestly don't miss it.
I think sometimes you just gotta take a break if ignoring it isn't working anymore. Now your personal blog is different from a forum but I'm just sayin'. If you aren't having fun anymore, dont force it.
Good luck to ya. (PS I really love love you and your blog!)
I'm so glad I'm not the only one (and I knew it already ☺) who feels the way you do about followers. You're absolutely right that a high number of followers is NOT AT ALL an indication of how good a bloogger that person is. (That sentence sounds really gramatically poor, as does this one. Oh well.) It simply says they're good at networking. That's it. You know, just like you said. ☺
i really do love your blog. you always post thought provoking posts.
the thing that i sometimes don't enjoy about blogging is when i get a massive backlog of blogs in my reader. sometimes i just don't have the time (and heaven forbid, the desire) to read blogs every day. but if i don't, i log in a few days later to find 362 unread posts, and it stresses me out.
i truly enjoye the connections i've made through blogging. i like the fact that some people seem to care what i have to say. but i do have to be careful that this "hobby" doesn't become all encompasing.
I think the whole followers thing is really lame... Does it really matter? I had to take mine down... I just couldn't handle feeling like i was in constant competition or trying to find my self worth from how many followers I had. Now i just blog for fun, and I am just happy to have a few people stopping by, lurking about, it doesn't matter to me. I lurk about a lot too... and I still think your blog is super cool. :)
Well said.
After fighting rude comments, and an obnoxious level of stalking on my blog, I finally went private. Just to get rid of one very angry, lonely, and misguided woman.
I hear ya!
I love that you said all this. I am right there with you. Most of my anon trolls are members of my estranged family. I hate it, and I really would like to quit the whole blogging thing altogether because of it, but all my friends live in my computer, so I CAN'T! I'm glad you're doing what's best for you. :)
YES, YES!!! I just love your honesty, I totally agree with all you said! When I had 3 weird DUDES start following me that's when I got weirded out. BLOCK! Yucky. No offense, I know you're there in spirit :)
Oh Erin. I just love you. I've been having the same followers angst lately. I've even taken down the followers widget on one of my blogs. But, yes, the reminder is there on the dashboard. Dang it!
I agree. I went anonymous, too, and I notice I lost some follower after that. Like people will only read my blog if I'm following them (which I still was).
It's all just so silly.
I think I have only gotten two odd comments and not any threatening ones. Don't let the bad comments hurt you. It only shows that your words can be interpreted many ways.
I tend to think that perhaps I am just "a diamond in the rough" and that not having a lot of followers just proves that fact.
Ya, I know what you mean. Since I went private, I lost a lot of people/followers. There's a give/take in the blogging world. Good for you for going anonymous.
Love it. Blogging is for you. Do what makes you happy.
L O V E your Portia Nelson quote. I understand why you love it, too. ♥♥
I hate when my hubby's ex wife who is crazy uses my blog to hurt them and then I get blamed for it....
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