Discussing with other people the annoying things your spouse (hypothetically speaking if you don't have a spouse) does: cute or cruel (or somewhere in between)? Why? Do you do it? Would you be okay with it if your husband was fine with it?
Wednesday, August 26
What Do You Think?
Monday, as I was flipping channels after watching Curious George (by myself or with my four year old - you decide), the word "blog" caught my eye and I stopped. On CBS, there was a couple who was promoting their blog, My Husband Is Annoying. In all honesty, I only watched about 30 seconds and then changed the channel. But I think I heard them say that the husband started the blog, and the wife writes the blog. I clicked over to read for a bit. The wife is a good writer, and the blog is entertaining, but I want your opinion:
Discussing with other people the annoying things your spouse (hypothetically speaking if you don't have a spouse) does: cute or cruel (or somewhere in between)? Why? Do you do it? Would you be okay with it if your husband was fine with it?
Discussing with other people the annoying things your spouse (hypothetically speaking if you don't have a spouse) does: cute or cruel (or somewhere in between)? Why? Do you do it? Would you be okay with it if your husband was fine with it?
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I think it's dangerous, the same way it's dangerous to talk to your friends about your spouse's faults. I promised myself when I started my blog that I would never use it as a place to vent anything related to my marriage. How would I feel if the tables were turned and I found myself reading about my mistakes along with hundreds of other readers? Occasionally, I share a story that just has to be laughed it, but I present it as fact, no complaining, and with my husband's permission. Like Thumper said, "If you can't say something nice, don't say nothing at all." If that's not true about your most important relationship, then nobody's safe. That's what I think. You asked. :)
I have to admit..I clicked over and found some of the posts quite humorous.
Having said that, it's not something I would do to my relationship. I agree with Steph, it's dangerous to discuss things like that.
I can see how it could lead to hurt feelings and a sense of not being accepting by someone that is 'supposed' to love you unconditionally.
AND....chances are, I would be "The Annoying One"...not him. It's me that lights up in store isles over juvenile things or has 'GRAND' ideas that turn out to be disasters.
The Gist (because I can't seem to communicate with you...without leaving a novel), I would NOT be okay with my spouse writing post after post in such a manner. Nor would I dream of doing that to him.
I don't think it's okay, even though it CAN be funny. Funny to everyone but the person being made fun of, that is. And that's why it shouldn't be done.
I am always uncomfortable when I am with a group of women who suddenly start being very negative about their spouses...it may start out funny, but I often wonder what their husbands would feel if they walked into the room.
Funny or not, not a good idea. Even if you are just finding those things to laugh about them, eventually that is all you are going to see. All of us have some annoying/disgusting/unpleasant trait and if we focus on those soon that is all we see.
I try and live my life thinking of my husband like a gift. At Christmas you don't open up a present and think, well this is nice but I don't like about it, or this about it... so why do we do that to our spouses.
I think all my opinions have been said.
Although every once in awhile I slip up and I write something on my blog that I shouldn't have. :(
what's funny is not always nice- and just like the others said, I would HATE to see annoying things written about me.
I have done it before on my blog and my husband was really upset. His feelings were really hurt so I will never do something like that again.
I think it's a fine line. Everyone needs to vent from time to time but if the blog turns into a place where all you do is bash your spouse, that can get dangerous. What if he doesn't do anything anoying that day? Does that mean you are looking for the negative so you have material for the blog? Some things are best kept within the marriage.
love how they trademarked "my husband is annoying" like seriously thats like TMing "Hi"
Just read some posts: Funny yes, but they are written in a negative light. I'm a little surprised the husband not only knows about this, but endorses it. Mine would feel bad if I wrote about him that way.
It's about as nice (and necessary) as Kate is to Jon. My husband has some annoying tendencies, sure, but broadcasting is so not cool. I wouldn't particularly care for my fantastic annoying tendencies to be posted by him (if I had any).
It could serve as an "ice breaker" for a topic that might not otherwise get brought up.
Like when you are totally hating on your husband for doing X, Y and Z.... but you hold it in until you just BLOW UP?!?
Instead of that fiasco, just blog it... he'll read it and there - it's out.
I do think he needs a rebuttal blog...
Why open the can of worms if it needs to be said say it to your hubby NO one else.
after careful consideration...I think it is delightful, Clearly he is in on the joke and is willing to go along with it and she always phrases things in a way that show how silly, funny and possibly inmature her husband is, but she loves him in spite of it. She never says anything negative like he is stupid or fusterating. I know Malachi (even though I love him) anoys me lots and I can deffinatly relate!
I think it may depend on the person and their relationship with their spouse. It would anger mine, and it would hurt my feelings to read anything that annoys him about me, too. But some people just have that kind of relationship where they are just sarcastic and negative, but in the end, they know they love each other. To each his own, I guess. It would not work for us, though.
This whole topic reminds me of that show "Everybody Loves Raymond." I hated that show so much. Like, it's cool to have a loveless marriage and a completely dysfunctional family where everybody hates each other? Yeah.
Anyway, I did read a few of those blogs, and I'm pretty torn. It's written in a playful manner, not really mean or spiteful. But I don't necessarily think it's good to completely focus on all the negatives in a relationship, even if they are portrayed in a playful light.
On the other hand, can I just say, I also hate those blogs where woman portray their lives as nothing but rainbows and sunshine and everything is wonderful and our lives are completely perfect?
Wow, that is pretty sad. I recently read Dr. Laura's book on The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands and in it she retold a story about a boy who was talking with his grandfather. The grandfather said there are two wolves inside each of us. We can only feed one at a time. While one is being fed the other is starving. You can choose what kind of a person you will be by which wolf you feed. Meaning if you only say negative things about your spouse that is all you will see. If you only say positive things about your spouse, those are the things you will see. Feed the love not the discontent.
I think it is terribly sad when a saccred relationship like husband and wife is mocked by the one or the other. I vowed when I got married I would never talk poorly about my husband to other people, and I am happy to say, for the most part I have kept that vow. Because of it we have a strong happy marriage with the typical bumps along the way, but we feed the love not the discontent.
Whew! Sorry about the novel. This is a topic I am slightly passionate about.
There are some way funny comments already on here. Mine = not funny. If I said "it is never ok to talk about how annoying your spouse is to anyone else" I would be 1) telling the truth and 2) being a hypocrite. I have a dear friend and once in a blue moon, she and I will exchange e-mails about "you will not believe what he just did/said!". Good? No. But at least it's just to one person, and never spoken of again, right? Not for the whole world to see.
While I thought there were some funny posts on her blog, I probably would never do it. I'm not trying to paint this pefect picture of our relationship on our blog, but I would hate to say something there that I regretted later. And I wouldn't like it if my hubby was always talking about what he finds annoying about me. It seems like the more you focus on what's annoying about a person...that's all you start to see in them.
I think putting down your spouse/making light of their mistakes in any way is not a good idea regardless of if your spouse is ok with it.
It comes down to respect and how can you say you respect your spouse if your constantly writing about how bad they are...your marriage won't go far and soon they will resent you for doing it.
Just my 2 cents.
Bottom line for me? I don't say anything about my spouse that I wouldn't say right in front of him. No disparaging......
I wouldn't do it because with a blog you like to write something frequently and you would only be looking for those annoying habits-how good is that for a marriage? If you're looking for the annoying habits how are you honoring and cherishing your spouse-someone you want to be with forever. Bad idea-from the get go.
Uh, no. NOT okay. I wouldn't even want to read it because I wouldn't want to find myself sympathesizing at my own husband's expense.
I think I agree with the majority here. I think it isn't kind and would I want him to have a "My annoying wife blog" NOPE. I googled by the way and he doesn't. Generally I think doing things under the golden rule category are best in a married. Woudl I like if husband folded all my laundry, gingerly placed it in my drawer and never complained.. YES. DONE.. Has it happened.. HUMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMm
It's better to look on the positive side, if you can.
Rosey
The September Ensign has a Q&A about marriage advice. One of them says "keep your marriage within your marriage." Keep your problems to yourself, in other words. I agree.
I think for the most part, it's probably not a good idea. But there are a few people out there who truly can handle such humor without it damaging their relationship. So, as always, my answer has to do with "it's a case-by-case" thing. But mostly, we really shouldn't complain about our spouses anyway, let alone to the world. I'm not saying I never do it, I'm just saying what I think is right and proper. OK, then.
LOL Thats funny. If I wrote anything on my blog without the bosses permission, I would be in the dog house fo eva!
Case in point. I once tweeted that Taylor had called her out for tooting as we call it. She about killed me over this, and she was probably right Im sure, she always is.
So from that day on I never write anything about her that she doesnt get to read first.
So my answer is HECK NO!! I would never write anything about my wife, especially if I had any thoughts that were negative. That stuff is not blog worthy and nobody wants to read about it either.
Love and Prayers,
Tim
Hmm.....I think I disagree with most of the commenters. I didn't click the link because I'm just that lazy, so I don't know the tone of the blog in question.
That said......I've contemplated a few posts about Superman's quirks. His picky eating habits, not getting rid of his 12 y/o Doc Martens that have holes in the toes, etc. Nothing mean or vindictive. Just humorous things. I would write them in a light, funny tone, not a rant of any kind. I'd be careful about using sarcasm, too.
But Superman and I have always teased each other mercilessly -- it's how we flirt. So maybe that's why I'm more okay with it.
Good question!
It can be very dangerous...there are women who harp on their husbands' every flaw, ranting about how he did this, moaning about how he doesn't do that. How often does the guy get any praise? I wonder what he would think if he knew what she was saying. Although I tease my husband about never reading my blog, I know that he does and I won't use it as a forum to vent my frustrations.
Cute is putting the baby's diaper on backwards. Cruel is calling him names and questioning his intellect for putting the baby's diaper on backwards.
i have read many blogs that seem to have been set up to intentionally poke fun of marriages, relationships, parenthood. and, as long as all parties involved know about the blog and the writer's sense of humor, then it's fine.
i don't think it's a good idea to do that if you are writing those things "behind someone's back" or just to constantly complain.
if that makes any sense.....
It could be funny, but it could also be very disrespectful and degrading to your spouse. I guess it depends on what you are writing and if you are interjecting the annoying things with the wonderful things too? I don't know, I don't like pointing out people's flaws, so i dont think i would write about someone i loved and their annoying habbits. I have plenty of my own to make fun of! :)
When hubby and I were newly engaged we made a promise to each other never to bad mouth each other to an outside party--especially the mother-in-law. Venting a little is one thing, but we both really try to watch that we don't complain or bash each other to anyone.
We have friends that we go out with that constantly bicker and pick on each other. My husband and I decided that we would not air our dirty laundry in public. If we annoy each other (and we do!) we just tell each other. I can't imagine letting the whole world know about it.
My husband told me right from the start (which okay was only 3 weeks ago) that I can write about him and I can say whatever I want. I think as long as it is not hurtful, it's okay to make a few little digs and mention some annoying qualities. It is sorta funny and I'm all about being honest on my blog, I want to write these people can relate to, and want to read...lets me honest who wants to read about a perfect la ti da relationship all the time and really who can even relate to that??? I can't.
Yep. I agree with the no vote. I loved the book Strangling Your Husband is NOT an Option. It had some wonderful things to say about this topic.
I try not to complain to Justin even about things that annoy me because I don't want to hear about the things that annoy him. I think it swings both ways and what needs to be said gets said between us. We do joke and tease each other constantly, but to write it in a public setting might not come across in the same light and might do lasting harm. You have to figure that at some point you might write something that crossed a line and could be really damaging to a great relationship. Why dance on such a fine line?
My personal opinion is it's a bit of a violation of the marriage...but we all do it. We vent...it feels good. I just don't think I'd feel comfortable putting it out there publicly. Seems the husband would be really hurt by it.
I don't think it's a great idea.
I used to do it with Drew, but then I knew that relationship was going in the hole anyway.
If it's just some quirky, funny story it's not so bad. But if you're really freaking out about your husband in front of a bunch of people, it can cause problems.
On occasion, with permission, I think it would be okay to share a funny experience of your spouses imperfections. But on a regular basis, I don't think that it's a great idea on a regular basis.
I know that I never cared what people said about me… (I guess that just proved that people noticed). My wife does not like it (even in conversations) for me to point out anything she is sensitive about (even things I find endearing).
On a blog, I think it's disrespectful. As an annoymous person on a message board- less of an issue.
I also think it's inappropriate to act like your life is perfect on a blog so it's a hard balance. How much do you say? I am an open book. My husband is the opposite. When I talk about ME and my experiences, I'm more open. When i talk about HIM- I try and adopt HIS boundaries about what I say. When in doubt, er on the side of saying LESS.
I wouldnt do it publicly like that. I dont even talk about stuff like that to my family. It's not worth it to me even if it is a joke.
Its a tough one. i understand the opinion of not bashing your spouse but what about the spouse who acts one way in public and around your friends and completely different to you? Sometimes I wonder if everyone else knew how they really were they wouldnt act that way....trust me I have been there and after 6 years of trying to figure it out one day I just didnt care anymore. I hate when blogs make people and relationships look perfect. No marriage is perfect and I think if more people were honest about some of the hardships then otherpeople would realize they arent alone. But they can do it with class, not just bashing their spouse
Sounds cheesy I know, but I try and only say positive things about my husband. I really can't stand man-bashing, and find it especially distasteful when it is about husbands.
I'm thinking it's possible that it could depend on the presentation. I have one friend who complains about her husband every time we have book club. It's awkward, because it's stuff that I would never share if it were to happen between my husband and I.
But then there are a couple of other gals at book club who share quirks of our husbands...as just that. quirks. We make sure they are things that wouldn't make us feel awkward, should our husband come in the room.
I think there are certain things that are okay, if your spouse is okay with it. But there comes a point where even if the spouse is okay with it, you shouldn't do it.
I clicked over and thought it was hilarious. My husband isn't the stupidest one out there..... That being said, it CANNOT be healthy, for any relationship, to always be looking for flaws.
However, sometimes they come up without you even having to look for them. A good idea I have heard is for you and your spouse to discuss who a safe person is, and that is who you can talk to about him. For example, he may decide that you can tell your sister all the stupid things about him, and she would like him all the same. But if you were to talk to a friend, they might judge him based on those things you said.
Ok I started to read the other comments.. but there are so many and my time is limited tonight... =) So if Im repeating... oh well sorry... lol...
I think that there is a very fun line between humorous sharing and opening ones relationship up to potential trouble.
I am a firm believer that when one feels belittled, or not equal.. no matter in what way... to have those sorts of feelings, brings all sorts of discord into the home. It is definetly not something I would ever do personally.
I would be very hurt and mad at my husband to have a blog about the things I do that bother him... ( I have not even checked out that blog by the way.. I saw the same show and was like whatever....) no matter how big or small...If they can do it and still honestly be happy,.. thats great for them....are they an ETERNAL family? Probably not. Just my two cents here tho. =)
NOT cute, I think spouse bashing is horrible, even in jest. "There's a bit of truth to all sarcasm" and that is what that blog is laced with. Sad.
I poke fun at the hubs every once and a while on the old blog, but it's all in good fun.
I'm 100% against it. I think husband bashing, even the light hearted variety, encourages other women to think about what's wrong with their husbands, and does nothing to promote feelings of love and respect within a marriage. I make a special point of talking positively about my husband whenever possible, and believe our marriage is stronger because of it.
C and I have friendly banter quite a bit. He is just a very sarcastic and cynical person.
Some people have misjudged us to be fighting. We tease each other all the time.
But, I do think it can be misinterpreted written on a blog, instead of face to face, when you can see the person's facial expresision or tone of voice.
I think complaining about your spouse (which I've been guilty of to my girlfriend, but not on my blog) is unhealthy, because in brings the focus on the bad things instead of the good.
How did I miss this post?
I think that there is a line that shouldn't be crossed. I post about my husband on my blog sometimes, but when I do, it's really all in fun, I'm not legitimately complaining, and I'm usually making fun of myself too.
And I ALWAYS tell him I'm posting it. He rolls his eyes, but he's never been hurt or mad at anything I've posted and he usually thinks it's funny.
But I would never legitimately complain about hom publicly.
Everyone has annoying traits. And for a blog like that, it gets old after awhile. Can you be annoyed at your husband? Sure. Should you put it on the internet for him and his bosses and his mother to read? Probably not.
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