I mean, my kids bicker constantly. It's always a "he said, he said" situation around here. Aidan won't eat his vegetables. They both like to complain about the dinners I make. I have to ask them four times to please put their clothes in the dirty clothes basket before it actually happens. I don't always follow through; I get exasperated WAY too often; I use my sarcastic voice and I know they don't understand sarcasm. Some days/weeks they watch too much tv/play too many video games.
Then I think about my intentions as a mother.
I want what is best for my children. I love them so much. My husband and I spent over two hours last night discussing what is most important to us, and what values we want to teach our children. This morning I gave both boys extra hugs. Ethan woke up first and I talked with him a little and just looked at him for a long time with loving eyes. He finally asked me, "Mom, why are you staring at me?" I told him, "It's because you are so handsome and I love you so much." (He acted kind of bashful after that.)
The truth of the matter is - my kids are happy. They are fed, they are bathed, they are clothed. They know I love them (I ask them if they know and they say, "Yes, Mom.") They are mild mannered and very sweet. I feel very lucky to have both of them in my lives.
Some days go by really slowly. Some days I feel like I suck as a parent. But I know I am not perfect, and I know I really am trying my best. And I pray for my children and for myself as a parent every single day.
What are my hopes as a mother? I hope my children know they can talk to me about anything. I hope they will be kind to others. I hope they will stand up for themselves. I hope they will become well adjusted adults. I hope they learn the value of hard work, and how to budget. I hope they will live their lives passionately, and live for themselves (and not just to make others happy). I hope my children know how much they are loved. And it's up to me to teach them these things.
It is so difficult being a parent. And it is so worth it.
36 people wanted to leave a comment:
Those really are the only things that matter in life.
AMEN!! I could have written this post myself.
You are in deed a wonderful mother Erin! But I can totally relate...I've been thinking the same thing. Love this post...thanks for sharing!
I don't even know you but I know you are not the crappiest mother :D
When I was younger and had a houseful of little kids I would think "How do all these other mothers do it?". I thought they were all perfect...I'm telling you that I felt so good when I realized they were not. One woman I kind of had on a pedestal - well I heard her yell at her kids one day and I almost jumped for joy (not in a mean way but heck it meant I was normal!).
Parents are perfect, kids aren't perfect but we all work it out together and as long as they know they are loved I think they turn out pretty darn good!
Oops that should say parents AREN'T perfect - LOL - Freudian slip?
You hit it on the head. I think we all have days (or weeks or months) where we feel like everything we do is wrong. I like to call those times "winter." (seriously ALL winter I feel like I am accomplishing nothing as a mom).
Too many nights where James and I turn to each other and say "Is it the kids or is it us? Does everyone else know something about raising kids that we missed? Because there has to be an easier way to do this!" But I guess it's not really supposed to be easy...
Great post! There are definitely days were I feel like I have failed and wonder what I am doing... but other days, when they go out of their way to help their sibling or don't say no 20 times during the day, it is good.
So many rough days...sometimes my husband gets my goat when I'm unloading about the terrors of my day, and he says, "How would Jesus have handled it?"
Ha! I would LOVE to know how Jesus would handle my children on those rotten days! Could He get them to take a shower? Get them to pick up after themselves? To stop the bickering?
If I knew the answer to that question, I would have fewer days when I feel like I suck as a mother. But the key is to make sure they feel loved no matter what their behavior. You are so right.
I think you are great parents. Those are all the hopes we have as parents. I sometimes know I had a horrible mommy day, but you are right, they are happy. I love them, they have a two-parent (that get along) home with stability. That is huge.
another AMEN!
Such important things to worry about. Honestly, the weight of perfection we put upon our own shoulders is heavy to bear. But we have to try, right? Thank you for the perspective.
I want my children to be healthy and happy. I want them to choose good friends with good values. I think I want what every mother wants for their children...I just hope I can teach them. You're doing a great job!
We as mothers all feel this way at some time! I am sure you are doing a wonderful job! It is difficult be a parent!
I have a feeling most moms feel that way at times. But I'm positive that you do a great job and your boys are very very loved!!
This was beautifully written. and really, trying your best as a parent is all you can do. (sometimes it's easier to say that to others than really practice it...)
We all have those moments! I am having those moments now!
About the dinner, I watched the doctors a few months ago, and there was a kid that never ate and complained about what was put in front of him. I can't remember details, but I know that the pediatrician on there came on and said ignore him.. Don't even put a plate in front of him and put him in between you and your spouse and ask to please pass this and please pass that and enjoy your hot meal. Soon they will start to want things and will eat their meal.. Worth a try! (remember I am not an expert.. My kids don't eat either, and are picky!!)
Thank you for this post...It is good hear that I am not the only Mommy that feels like I am hugely inadequete. But on those days, it helps me to remember that I am hugely blessed to have my two boys.
Good, good stuff here. I echo so very much of it.
p.s. have you seen MMB's post of the week linky? I think this is a good submission
I'm so glad you wrote this post. I've been going back and forth a lot on having kids lately--some days I want them, some days I worry that I might never want them...
You're such a great mom!!! Love this post and I'm sure your kids know how lucky they are. :)
I seriously feel like you were talking about me. Funny how that goes? I always tell myself that if I am worried that I am not doing it right than I am probably doing ok, I just need to work on those things I feel like working on. I bet some of it is being pregnant too. You are probably worried that your boys won't feel as loved when the little girl comes along. That is the hardest part with adding to the family I think.
Anyway, thanks for writing that. Sometimes it is nice to know that I am not the only one freaking out over all of this. :)
You really are a great mom. When I'm a mom, I hope I can give my kids the kind of life yours have.
I feel like a crappy Mom more often when I'm pregnant. I sleep in later, need an afternoon break as well & am shorter on patience.
But, the kids are very loved and well taken care of. There is no perfect Mother out there & you are doing a great job.
You are a good mom that is interested in her kids contribution in the world. I like that.
The things you are dealing with now are gradual steps to the things you will face with them later. Gear up!
But it is REALLY worth it later when you see them as adults, and when you like them as people, not just because they were your babies once.
Wow, Erin I was really a little shocked when I read your opening paragraph. WORD FOR WORD. Except that my kids really do get the sarcasm (David's knows I'm not serious when I say, "Good idea! Dump your backpack right in the middle of the floor so someone can trip over it and break their neck!", which I would only say if I was sick of telling him to put it by his desk EVERY SINGLE DAY!)
Anyway, thanks for this great post. We all have out weakenesses and stresses (yours and mine seem to be veeeeery similar!) but that's part of motherhood. What matters is that we are trying and that we love our children. With both of those things we really can't go too wrong. (and with prayer, as you mention).
If someone had told me eleven years ago just how hard parenting was going to be . . . I'd still have done it. It just takes all the dedication I have to give.
It is difficult but like you said, so worth it:) There are days my 5 can drive me to the edge on insanity (so it feels like) and other days they amaze me with how well they get along, etc. Just have to take it a day at a time....
I couldn't agree more. I feel so many of those exact same things. And, frankly, it's nice to know that other moms - ones I consider to be doing a great job - feel like crappy moms sometimes. I have days where I think: Seriously, I thought I'd be good at this mom thing, but I was WRONG.
Also, I've been doing some soul-searching and figuring out of things lately (as far as how my relationship with my family is weird right now and why that might be). Mostly what I've learned is that I want to have good relationships with my kids, so that when they're adults, they'll still feel close to me, supported by me (in a healthy way) and feel like they can talk to me about anything. Anyway - I could go on about this forever, but I won't.
I appreciate your timely post! Thanks.
I think as mothers you worry about this sorta stuff often. At least I hope it's normal cause I know I do too. :) Great post!!
Great post. I love these kinds of talks with my husband ... kind of a reestablishing of all your goals.
Writing these sorts of posts in my blog and reading these subjects in other blogs really helps keeps things in perspective ... especially when I'm having a rough day.
Thanks for posting this.
A resounding Amen from me. I feel both those ways all the time. Like I'm so inadequate. Like there are so many ways in which I don't measure up to what and who I want to be. But then I look at me kids and think we're getting a lot right. And maybe for now, until I grow a little more, that can be enough.
Erin,
I enjoyed your post. It's hard to be a parent. Sounds like you're doing a great job though!!
best wishes,
Linda
You are such a sweet, amazing person. There's no way you could be a bad mother.
Today was one of those days, so that first line rings true... But you're right. It's all worth it in the end.
I agree with all of those. I couldn't say it any better and now that my kids are that age I am finding out what I have messed up on or what I have done good at. As much as you care about them and teaching them all of those things, I know that you are a great parent because most of it is the desire and ambition to make it happen.
First time visit to your blog. I only read the side-bars and I fell in love with it. I copied and pasted all of your beautiful quotes about compassion and listening; I am going to bring them to group therapy this week. Thanks for blogging; you are very talented and I dare say, someone I would enjoy reading. Kudos.
Post a Comment