Wait, scratch that.
Being a good parent is really hard.
Christian and I have been talking a lot lately about how to help our boys adjust to having a baby in the house, and how to show them how much we love them. Often times, between Ethan coming home from school at 4:00, getting dinner ready, eating, homework, bathing, reading, and getting kids to bed, it's been a complete whirlwind and we feel like we have done nothing of great significance to teach them things or show them that we love them.
I have had this on my mind a lot lately. Two days ago, Ethan was watching a show on Qubo before school and the characters were talking about belly button lint. He and Aidan shared great laughs together, and then he came to me and asked me if people get belly button lint. We talked about it and laughed about it, and then he got dressed and left for school.
A couple of hours later, I realized that one very important thing was missing from our conversation - eye contact. I only glanced at him once during the entire conversation. Here he was, trying to make conversation with me and share with me this really funny (and question-inducing) subject, and I didn't even take the time to look him in the eyes.
There is more than one way to show your children you love them, you know. I made a mental note right then that I will look into my children's eyes intently and deeply at least once a day.
In the last two days, I have gotten more hugs and kisses than usual.
22 people wanted to leave a comment:
It really is the small things.
I LOVE this post!! My husband hardly ever give me eye contact when I am talking to him and it angers me SOOOOO much. I am an eye contact kind of person and I try to give it to whomever I am talking to no matter what we are talking about. It's a good thing!!
I love eye contact. It is so very important. Something I've come to learn as a parent of a son with Autism. Great reminder.
Eye contact is such a small thingm but can make a big difference in a conversation. Sometimes I really need to be better at this. Such a great reminder!
Wow. Good point. I feel similarly about the whirlwind of life's tasks. I'm going to look my kids in the eyes to connect with them. Thank you!
That is a great tip, Erin. My wife taught me that if we will just sit down, the kids eventually gravitate to us and start talking. That has been magic for us. I will now remember to look them in the eye as well during these times.
Erin I love this! I know that I tend to do the same thing, I get rushing around so much that I forget to stop and take the time to look at my kiddos when they are talking to me. I want them to feel like they are the most important thing to me... always!
I think I'm pretty good at eye contact. My kids look me in the eye often. The only times they really don't are when they're in trouble or not paying attention, which times I *MAKE* them look me in the eye.
But while it's easy to do this with the kids, I don't make eye contact for a long time with others. I don't hold it for more than a second if I can help it. A lady was talking to me at church the other day and wouldn't break eye contact. I felt like I couldn't either. I felt awkward.
Is that weird?
I totally agree - and I have always made a point to come down to their level or bring them up to mine when we engage in conversation.
Good observation!
I love this post! It's really made me think. I am really going to make more of an effort to do this with my kids. thank you... :)
Hugs and kisses are so precious. Definitely worth the eye gazing. It is hard to be a good parent, I agree. I got a mother's day card that said "Being a mother is hard work. All because of those darn children!" I laughed, but only because it is true, yet worth it at the same time. Good luck with your transitioning with your baby. Not an easy thing to do, I know.
I have a hard time with eye contact. I look at people's mouths when I talk to them, and I'm not sure why. I've always done it though! I have had to work on this before, but thanks for the reminder! :)
I tend to forget about this one. I will need to use it more often.
Thanks for the reminder,
I always find that I look at people's mouths. Maybe i'm trying to understand what they are saying? Eye contact can be awkward sometimes, but I think it's good to contect with people that way too. :)
Good point! I'm going to try this.
Also, I know you weren't specifically looking for adjusting-to-baby ideas, but we've also been thinking about this a lot! One thing we did with #2 that we're going to do this time around is have the baby bring a present to the older siblings. My sister started this tradition, and I love it. #2 brought #1 a baby doll. And now #3 is going to bring baby carriers from Build-a-Bear - so they can carry their babies around just like Mom. :) She's also bringing a coupon book of fun activities to do with just Mom. I know we should be doing stuff together all the time, but right after a baby, it's hard. So they'll have coupons to give me, and I'll have a few days to redeem them. (Stuff like go out for ice cream with Mom. Or stay up for an extra 30 minutes to read books with Mom... Stuff like that. I need to start looking for pictures to go with them, since #2 can't read yet.)
Anyway, sorry for the massive comment! :)
I've been thinking about that same thing - how I ask my kids questions and realize I'm looking at their backpacks on the floor, the weird thing their hair is doing or the place they forgot to get when they brushed their teeth. I'm not looking at THEM in their eyes. Thanks for the great reminder.
See, you're a good parent because you realized this and acted on it. Everyone likes to feel like they're being listened to.
Great quote: It is hard to be a good parent!
What a great goal! Now I challenge you to make some kind of funny face after your meaningful eye to eye contact. :)
So true Erin.
But, don't you think how hyper-analytical we are about being Mothers right now is partly contributed to these last days/weeks of pregnancy.
I know I've been analyzing myself a ton lately.
Erin, thanks for sharing. This is something that I truly need to work on.
Great post! Thank you for the reminder. I'm going to log off the computer now so that my kids have my full attention for at least a moment when they walk through the door.
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