Phew, now that I know no one will read this post, I can be honest about this last weekend.
My mom came to visit. It was awesome. She washed my floor, made all the meals, changed every blowout diaper, played games with the boys, took us out for lunch and dinner (when she wasn't making the meals), spoiled me rotten, and we had great conversations. I bawled like a baby when she left.
She came and stayed with me for four days while Christian flew out to Oakland, CA to see his youngest brother get married. Since I know no one is going to read this, I can say that I felt very left out, sad, and a touch bitter that I wasn't able to go. Oh, it has nothing to do with Christian. I wanted him to go. We found a great price on a flight, and he needed to be there (although the morning of the wedding he woke up with a raging sinus/ear infection/fever and barely made it through the wedding before getting a prescription for antibiotics and going back to the hotel to sleep for the rest of the day). I was sad they scheduled the wedding so close to my baby's birth. And since their wedding day is all about me, me, me, why wouldn't I be bitter?
The night before the wedding, I had dreams all night long that everyone else who was there was having the time of their life. They didn't miss me, they didn't want me there, and they were glad I was home and not there. Every time I woke up to nurse, I just cried and cried. And during the day, I would put on a brave face and no one knew how I was feeling. Not even my mom, I'm sure about that (my tear-stained face never lies).
Oh, and since no one will be reading this, I can admit that I had this coming. The irony is not lost on me. Christian and I were married in Hawaii, and my dad and sister couldn't be there. But I'm sure they never felt the way I felt this weekend. Right? Right? (Am I laying the sarcasm on thick enough?) So, in a way, I kind of deserved this, and I suppose I should publicly apologize to my dad and sister for hurting their feelings when I got married. But since this is a private blog post, and not a public one, I guess I should find another way to apologize.
So now, Abe's married. I have never met my new sister-in-law, and since they live in Hawaii I don't know when I will meet her. Christian says she is great.
I'm glad Christian is home, I miss my mom, I need a maid, I need more sleep, and no one will ever know that I have petty feelings about things that don't really matter in the end.
No one else is ever petty or bitter about anything, right? It's just me? Well, it's a good thing this is a private journal entry. No one has to know. Sigh.
15 people wanted to leave a comment:
I was really surprised to see how many people read my private journal entries.
I respected you enough to not read yours. Sorry about the wedding.
Yeah, I didn't read it either. You're forgiven :)
I will admit it, I read it! I'm as curious as a cat..what can I say?
Me? Petty and Bitter? Only a little, considering that's my name. Danielle Petty-Bitter....
I'm sorry you've had such a difficult time. {hugs}
Don't we all write just for ourselves - I haven't read it, honestly. But can I jusy say, don't feel mean - about whatever it was that you didn't want is to know !! :))
I had to read it just cause you posted the title that way.. wink wink...
ANyhows... ((((big hugs)))) and sorry your having a hard time right now... glad your hunny is home.. feel better soon sweetie...
Ok. I laughed a little at this post. And I think it might be an inside joke with myself. Not because I am glad that you are miserable (I am not!!) but that I know of a certain cousin who had her wedding reception on my birthday and my parent's went to it instead of staying home for my birthday. That certain cousin got married about 10 years ago, in Sept, had a reception in Utah... This cousin had no idea that she did it and I hold no grudges but as a teenager, whoa! lol. I hope you feel better about everything soon and that you have a great week, month, year. My mom only lives an hour away and I hate when she leaves too!
WOW, I loved your journal post and I am proud of you being willing to share your feelings. I think most of us have felt that way before.
I cried when my mom left. A lot. Big tears that got all over my house that she cleaned. I also cried the day I ran out of meals she cooked.
Mom visits after baby are the best!
This is a private comment so please don't read it.
You're adorable. And human. And genuine. And I love those things about you.
Moms need to stay much longer than just 4 days, and husbands are not allowed to leave after babies are birthed for at least 2 months.
But since it didn't happen that way, it's okay. You deserve to be a little bitter and sad and everyone completely understands.
Wish I was there to come help you out a little!
Yeah. That was pretty rude that they didn't plan their wedding around your birth.
I usually cry when my Mom leaves too. We need our Moms.
Love this:) I cried after my mom left with each of my 5 kids. You think I would have learned not too but nope, I bawled every time.
Bummer, wish I could have brought myself to read this post ;)
I am so sorry... I know how you feel, being trapped at home. I am really trapped right now as we aren't supposed to take Ryder into public places and crowds for three months... it is going to be a long summer.
Feeling left out as an adult makes me flash back to junior high too much.
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