Well, they say to write about what you know.
Unfortunately, one of the things I know right now is baby blues.
Thankfully (luckily perhaps?) I am generally not a depressed person. But the hormone changes associated with having a baby bring out these somewhat predictable, yet still difficult, feelings inside of me. And thankfully, it has (at least with both boys) been short-lived. With Ethan it lasted about six weeks, and then when he started sleeping mostly through the night, I noticed that I wasn't crying anymore.
With Aidan it lasted a bit longer. When he was three weeks old, he started having blood in every dirty diaper. I took him to the doctor and they diagnosed him with a milk protein intolerance, and told me that if I wanted to continue nursing I had to cut all dairy and anything with milk proteins in it out of my diet. Did you know that practically everything has casein and whey in the ingredients list (including things like taco seasoning)? It was important enough to me to nurse my child, so I cut all of these things out of my diet. By the time he was 10 weeks old, I weighed less than I had weighed in high school (6 feet tall and 134 pounds). The baby blues lasted about 10 weeks that time.
The reason I say they are "predictable" is because every afternoon around 3:00 PM I can feel it creep up on me. I start to feel panicky. It feels like there is a black hole somewhere in my chest and I can't get away from it. I feel worried (am I paying enough attention to my kids?), I feel guilty (the house is a mess and I'm just sitting here), and I feel sad. I often start crying and don't really know why. I have cried on Christian's shoulder so many times in the last week (it didn't come on until she was a week old). This feeling lasts until bedtime, and by morning I feel good again. Then when 3:00 PM rolls around, I can feel it creeping up again.
I am not a depressed person. I won't let depression define me. I recognize this for what it is, and I'm so thankful I have support around me. I'm sure it will only last a few more weeks.
In the meantime, I'm going to take it easy and allow myself to cry. I always feel better afterward.
38 people wanted to leave a comment:
The baby blues sucks rocks. It's so great you have an understanding and supportive husband to help you through them. (((hugs)))
I think the first step is recognizing what is going on.
You hang in there, my dear friend. Missed you this weekend!
Like you, I am normally a positive and happy person. The baby blues hit me by surprise. But luckily my doctor was on alert ... apparently it hits harder when you are older (I was 44) and when you have multiples (I had twins). She immediately checked all my hormone levels, and did a bunch of blood work to check other levels. What she found was that I was extremely low on Vitamin D. After less than 2 weeks I was definitely feeling better.
I'm not suggesting this is the case with you or anyone else, I'm just commenting on my experience.
I hope you start to feel like your normal self again soon.
Been there, done that. It sucks huh?? Especially when you have a sweet baby in your arms... My advise is cry it out and keep talking to others about it. If it sticks around (it did with my second kiddo) don't waste anytime talking to your doctor. I wasted far to long convincing myself I was okay before talking with my doctor.
I think Heather is totally right, don't suffer with it too long. After my boy I had the normal baby blues like you had with your boys, but after my girl I had a deep, dark depression. My totally uninformed medical opinion is that it was because of the girl hormones. The longer it went on the worse I felt, and then didn't want to tell anyone because it was too depressing to tell people I was depressed. Can you say "visious cycle?" Anyway, about NINE MONTHS after her birth I told the doctor and she took care of business. Best of luck to you and I hope you feel better soon.
I think you need to give yourself permission to clock-out every day at 3:00 p.m. Sit down in front of the TV at 2:59 and watch some of your favorite recorded shows while you nurse until your husband comes home.
Sorry you're having the blues. Give yourself permission to get any help you might need and to give yourself a break when it's coming on.
I'm so sorry Erin. Hang in there. I hate that part of the day with the baby blues as well. It seemed to help to get out of the house during that time. But then there is dinner to think about. Is there another mom going through the same thing around you? Maybe you guys can hang out that time of day:). I'll pray for you! Like the others said, don't let it go too long if it doesn't seem to go away! I had to get help after Devon. Love you!
I think Steph's suggestion is a good one!
TV shows are a good way to forget out problems.
Hang in there K?
I am hoping the next bloggy lunch gettogether I will be able to meet you! I love reading your NEW posts! :)
While 3:00 is a hard time to deal with this, because Ethan will be home from school soon, try to take a big break at that time. Or maybe be pre-emptive and try it a bit earlier?
Otherwise, don't be hard on yourself. I'm glad you have so much support!
Love that you're accepting how you feel and expecting to feel better soon. (I do not love that you have to feel that way in the first place.) Word on the street is that chocolate is a huge help with these things:)
Keep talking about it, this I know for sure! 3:00 is such a hard time of the day even if you don't have a baby- it's crunch time, and you're tired. This too shall pass. Keep your doctor in the loop, just in case. hugs!
I'm so glad you are able to talk about this with such perspective! I hope it doesn't last long, but it sounds like you are doing the best you can with it. The early weeks are hard in a lot of ways but, of course, so wonderful, too. Keep up the good work Erin! Your house doesn't matter and your kids can totally handle not having too much attention for a little while. You're doing awesomely. :) (and my blogging has gone waaaaaay down because of pregnancy depression and then because of focusing on family more. I no longer think in blog posts anymore, but I hope that will come back soon. You keep blogging about what you know!)
There is nothing wrong with a good cry, every now and again. At least you recognize what is going on. Hang in there. I'm sure you are doing great, regardless of how it feels! I've been thinking about you!
It got bad for me around 8 weeks. I'm still up and down, but it's much better now that I recognize it.
Hang in there. xoxo
I will be praying for you! So many mothers do not even realize what they are experiencing... Cry and be patient!
I'm sorry Erin. I know how hard it is and it's never fun. I had an especially hard time after Chase (my 3rd who was born 15 months after my #2)...and I kept expecting it to go away like it did with my others, but it didn't--not for a year it didn't. It was so rough. Please let those closest to you stay on top of it for you and if you don't come around as quickly as you did your others, don't beat yourself up and seek help if you need it. If only I'd sought help sooner than I did, I think I would have had an easier time dealing with my really intense & colicky #3.
Hugs!
I just re-read what I wrote and I didn't intend to sound like I think what you're experiencing isn't normal and you need to be on depression meds asap. The only reason I shared what I did is so that you are aware (from my story) that it may take longer the 3rd time around for whatever reason---mine was namely the huge responsibility of caring for 3 little ones that totally overwhelmed me. Did I say that any better? lol
I am wondering if by 3:00 you are just totally exhausted. I noticed my baby blues got worse with each child and on my fourth one I commented to the nurse in the hospital about it and how I was nervous to go home. She told me that a lack of sleep contributes to it. You are up all night with a newborn and then you are chasing around your other kiddos during the day so you can't nap either. I tried sleeping more when I could and put a lot of the burden on Steve so I could nap. It seemed to help them go away sooner. Hang in there and cry it out. :)
The baby blues. I know them well. Very well. And I hope they do pass SO quickly for you. It's hard. Really hard. Peace to you, sweet Mama.
I am so sorry. I went through that with my first and second babies and it was so real it was like another person living in the house with us. I hope you feel better soon.
I'm glad you have such a good attitude about it, and such good support around you. I'm legitimately worried about PPD. I guess we'll see what happens.
I've been there Erin. It's hard...especially when you think there is no good reason to feel sad, but you just do.
Those hormones are a killer. Good on you for recognizing your weak time. I'm going to email you. Maybe we can talk this week. Hugs.
Ugh. It's so not fair that it has to hit right when you just want to be enjoying your baby.
Something that helped me was to just get out of the house. Even just a walk around the block made life tolerable and I could survive the rest of the day.
I hope it starts to get better!
Oh, how I feel you. Hang in there. It gets a hundred percent better and it's a thousand percent worth it.
The first step is that You have recognized the problem and I think you are dealing with it really well. I can't say that I understand the "baby blues" as I adopted my kids and didn't have to deal with the hormone changes of pregnancy. But I can relate to depression and with hormone imbalances that have caused my depression over the years. Its really hard to deal with at times especially when the tendancy is to withdraw from everything. You are doing what you need to be doing by talking about it and reaching out to others and accepting their help. I hope these blues will go away soon so everyday can be a good day! HUGS!!
That sounds like what I had. I think I would feel blue towards the end of the day because I knew I wasn't going to get a good night sleep. When my baby started sleeping through the night I would always feel way better. I also nursed all by babies, can't say I LOVED it but I believed in it.
Hang in there, your baby is beautiful.
I am so sorry Erin. the baby blues really stink. Hang in there and I hope you feel better soon!!
Your boys can come play at our house anytime you need a break--just give me a call!
I'm sorry that you are having the baby blues. I completely remember those times. Just know that I'm thinking of you. Enjoy that adorable baby girl.
Oh Erin--I have so been there! I think it's good that you're talking about it. That's one of the things that has always been good for me when I've had the blues is getting on my blog and writing it all out.
Take care of yourself..and let me know if there's anything I can do for you (from 300 miles away)
Seriously, one of the scariest things about having a baby! I got it bad with my first, hysterically crying every night for no reason and MAJOR anxiety about nothing. I hope it goes away soon! Open your windows---sunshine helped me a LOT!
Oh Erin... I am sorry you are feeling down. Maybe your husband could hang with the kids while you go and get out a bit -- going to the bookstore for a few hours is my cure-all!
It doesn't make you a better Mom to suffer -- if you're struggling, definitely ask for help.
Hope you feel better soon!! Thinking of you and your sweet family.
I love your courage and your honesty, Erin. It's the cloudy weather getting me down around here. I spent all afternoon yesterday outside in mostly sunshine and let the house fall apart. It keeps me sane. You've got to do what you've got to do to get through it. A good cry ALWAYS helps. good luck!
I'm glad you realize what's going on--and I'm glad that you have a good support system. I've never had a baby, but have struggled with depression. It's really hard but I've found that accepting that I have it and then making compensations in my expectations is very helpful. I hope this passes soon for you.
I wish I could give you a great big hug right now. And maybe some chocolate. And maybe an offer to do your laundry for a month or two.
I had the baby blues this time round (nothing like the PPD I went through after Becca) and it was so exhausting. You're so right that the crying helps.
Seven months later I'm happier than I've ever been. In my whole life. Amazing how knowing it's going to end eventually pulls us through, eh? Take care of you too, okay?
I didn't really realize I had the baby blues until about 4 months after I had Anniston. It was so hard to deal with the anxiety without feeling like a total nut job. Keep talking about your feelings...I know that is the one thing that really helped me. It took such a long time for me to feel "normal" again. I am glad you know there is a light at the end of the tunnel! Hang in there:)
Post Pardom...bleh...
I prefer to call it...
Post "Pardon"...
Pardon me while I cry.
Pardon me while I bite your head off.
Pardon me while I cry and bite your head off.
Pardon me for not wanting to get out of bed.
Pardon me fot not taking a shower.
Pardon me for serving cereal...
The lists of Pardons go on and on, as long as they need too!
Pardon me for saying so, recognizing it...means you are SO much better off.
Hope today at 3pm you are enjoying my comment...:-)
I'm sorry that you have the baby blues. I had them with Grey. Andrew didn't get it, it irritated him. I'm glad that Christian understands!
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