Plus, one of my favorite bloggers has a son who died of SIDS who would be approximately the same age as Ethan. (And he died at the exact age Kaitlyn is right now.) And I read a blog about a woman whose year old daughter recently drowned in a tragic accident. Stories like these make me check on Kaitlyn compulsively during the night. She is three months old now, and scooting around in her crib like crazy. One morning her face was squished up against the crib slats. One afternoon she started screaming because her legs were both caught in the crib slats and she couldn't get them out (should I purchase a crib bumper or not???) She moves in complete circles during the night. And she's almost starting to roll over, from her back to her stomach. But when she's on her stomach, she faceplants into the floor and I worry that she will not move her face to the side.
Then I read in the news about an eight year old boy who accidentally hung himself with a bathrobe belt on his bunk bed. We have a bathrobe belt, a bunk bed, and an almost eight year old boy. Stories like these terrify me! (Thankfully, the fear is not all-consuming. I'm just bringing these things up because they have been on the forefront of my mind lately.)
Christian and I even have dreams about watching our kids fall or be hurt and not being able to get to them in time. Do any other parents have dreams like this?
The scary possibilities are endless. Of course, the happiness is endless too. I love being a parent. My kids are the best, and I wouldn't trade them for the world.
17 people wanted to leave a comment:
Erin- I have the same anxiety about my kids. It was really bad when my baby was brand new-- all sorts of crazy anxiety mixed with classic baby blues. No fun. And I find myself all too often reading other moms blogs about their miscarriages, stillborn babies, tragic accidents, and yeah, it brings tears to my eyes. I try to just count my blessings and pray that everything will be okay, and that I Lord knows better than me what I can and cannot handle.
Oh, and I used a bumper with both my kids and their legs still got caught...
I went through a period, several years ago, where I couldn't read the news. At all. I developed a phobia about something happening to Adam. And then I would read about kids, and I would think of my nephews. Strangely enough, my job as a social worker doesn't affect me like that.
When I read blogs of people who have experienced horrible tragedies, I feel terrible, but I just can't read them. It triggers anxiety.
I've been told by several mothers that as I soon as I have a kid, I should immediately go on Xanax. Awesome.
I do the same thing. In fact, when I was preggo with BG, my good friend was pregnant at the same time. We were due days apart and she lost her baby at 38 weeks. I freaked out and my doctor agreed to induce me early (39.5 weeks) just so I could be sure my baby was safe.
There are times I just have to plug my ears and hold my kids. We never know what this life will bring. Thanks for the reminder to cherish it more.
I always thought that this would get easier as my kids got older.
Some of the "worries" might be different, but it doesn't get any easier.
(just wait until they go to Scout camp for a week. That's a whole new set of things to worry about) (not to worry you or anything......)
My babies always got their legs caught in the crib rails, mostly because they had really chunky thighs.
These are the seeds for panic attacks. No matter how closely you watch your children, things are going to happen. We just have to Trust in the Lord...
It's hard being a parent. I'm not a natural worrier, so these things don't usually bother me. But when my babies are small, I do worry a lot more because those are the stories you hear the most often and you feel the most helpless about.
My friend whose baby died of SIDS a while ago is having a new baby any minute. She wrote on her blog about how they bought a new crib and a new special bamboo mattress just for peace of mind. She said don't ask how much it costs because a living child is worth much more than a crib or a mattress. I can't imagine having to worry about things like that so much because you've been through the worst.
I lost Landen at the farmers market on Saturday. There were SO many people, and I couldn't see him anywhere. I was absolutely terrified. Longest 60 seconds of my life. He just came wandering back, had walked up ahead when we stopped, realized we were not behind him, and turned around and walked back. The fear was almost paralyzing. I, unfortunately, know what you are going through. That mama bear instinct is so strong. I wouldn't buy a crib bumper, I heard that they are more dangerous than they are worth. It will just give you one more thing to worry about. Land used to stick his face into the bumper, and I was so worried all of the time that he couldn't breathe.
Oh my goodness, yes! That little boy was just a couple blocks from my home. It really hit us hard around our neighborhood. So extremely sad, and then you hear more and more stories. I was a wreck. Seriously crying because my boys wouldn't stay on the sidewalk while they were outside. Scary! But I feel peace again. I think it comes down to the fear being so real, but also our trust in God being greater than that.
Being a mom is such a hard thing! I never knew I could be so worried and protective of someone and I was very protective of my sisters (unless I was the one causing them misery or pain. Only I was allowed to!) Rick is always freaked out the whole time I am pregnant. He says it is the scariest thing to know that my life and a child of his is tied and so much could happen to us. The things guys worry about too!
According to my mom, it doesn't get easier the older they get. Just so you know:)
I still have to call her when I drive home late at night so she knows I arrived safely.
Congratulations! You are a normal mom! In fact, I would be worried if you didn't think about these kinds of things. And I agree, it doesn't get easier as they get older.
You are very normal to worry. Now that I have a grandchild, I worry about her too. It is a never-ending worry. At least we are all in this together as worried moms. :)
I totally get this. There are too many sad and scary possibilities. I just basically can't let myself think about it too much or I drive myself crazy.
A better question is do any parents NOT have dreams like that? It's so awful. I dreamed last week that Hubs and I were both dying of cancer or something and I was so angry in my dream that I didn't get to finish raising my kids- so sad about what might happen to them. That anger felt so real it woke me up!
I can't think about stuff like this or it paralyzes me emotionally and I detach from my kids until I can get it together. And yes, get a crib bumper. I got one for that exact reason. Poor baby with his legs in the slats. Solved the problem.
you know - those things also terrify me, but I heard a story in primary from a mom in our ward about her personal "miracle" (miracles are the topic right now in sharing time) and it gave me a lot better feeling.
She said she had a random feeling after getting in to bed to check on her daughter. She found her in a situation she would have suffocated in had she not come in right then. It saved her life. Several things like that happened to my dad when he was little - all with the spirit prompting his mom. The Lord doesn't want children to die before their time and he's in control. Take comfort in knowing the spirit will scream at you if you need to know something. Stay close to the spirit and you will dimish that fear a lot, although as moms we never really stop worrying.
Earlier this evening I saw a bottle of bathroom cleaner on the bathroom floor and realized that a) the safety latch on that cabinet is broken and b) my 1.5 year old had gotten that bottle out. She was in bed by then, and I was too tired to do anything about it, but after reading this post I just went and found a high shelf to put the cleaning supplies on. (I also dropped a bucket on my toes--ouch.)
They do say that crib bumpers are unsafe, so I've given away the cute ones I had for my first couple of kids. (I guess I should have destroyed them instead of given them away. Oh, well. Maybe someone can make them into a quilt. I'll tell myself that to ease my conscience.) There is a product you can buy that's like a crib bumper but made of mesh, so it solves the problem of legs stuck between bars. (I never had that, and my kids each got their legs stuck at least once.)
Here's my method for coping with the vulnerability of parenthood, in four parts:
1) I try to do every safe practice I know of--I never take my eyes off my kids in the pool, I keep dangerous things stored high, I used leashes on my younger kids in crowds at SeaWorld, and I even reverse into my garage when I park, so that when I exit I'll be pulling forward and able to see in front of me, and be much less likely to back over a child. Oh, and I don't let any of my little ones go anywhere outside while the lawn's being mowed. (Sometimes they still escape, which scares me every time.)
2) I pray all the time for my kids' safety and well-being and try to listen to promptings from the Holy Ghost.
3) Other than following every safe habit I know to do, I try to just relax and not think about things that could go wrong. If something's unavoidable or worthwhile, but inherently risky, (and really, everything in life has at least some risk) then I just try to enjoy the experience and distract myself from thoughts of danger.
4) Along with #3, I try to trust that things will happen as they're meant to happen. Sometimes Heavenly Father calls one of his children home. And no matter how careful we are, any of us can have a bad day and slip up or just not be in the right place to rescue someone, and it does NOT mean God doesn't love us or that we were doing wrong; it's just life, and life involves both joy and sorrow, and we have to figure out what we can learn from every experience Heavenly Father allows us to have.
---
Wow, that was a long comment. This is why I'll never get caught up reading all the unread posts in my Google Reader. :)
Post a Comment