I have some pretty crappy drafts in my draft folder of this blog. I wrote about some of them a couple of weeks ago, and those aren't the ones that I'm talking about. But as I recently read through some of my old drafts, I realized that there was a theme.
You see, a couple of years ago I had someone I thought was a blog friend who took something I said on my blog, twisted it, and spit it back at me. She basically said I wasn't authentic on my blog, and that I was doing this for some kind of money, recognition, or fame or something. I was hurt. I was hurt because it wasn't true at all. But after I stepped back a bit (after being angry and pouty for a couple of weeks) I tried to see what she was seeing. I have to admit, I never did figure out what she was seeing. And I was able to let it go.
Or so I thought. While I haven't dwelled on the situation in my conscious mind, I realized just this morning that I have been dwelling on it in my subconscious. Numerous crappy drafts in my draft folder are just trying to prove that I am real, I am genuine, and I don't have any ulterior motive on my blog. And I decided I am done trying to prove that point to you, to my draft folder, and to myself.
So, in summary, I will be me on my blog, you can take it or leave it, and if you choose to take it, then I would love to be your friend!
P.S. After reading this over, it seems to have a bit of a negative tone. I don't feel negative at all. I am tempted to relegate this post into my crappy draft folder, but I want to let go of the numerous other crappy drafts that don't actually need to be posted. I think of numerous posts every single week, but I only post once or twice a week because I'm trying to figure out how safe or how open to be on this very public blog. How do you find a balance?
Okay, I'm done verbally (or typingly) vomiting on you.
The end.
13 people wanted to leave a comment:
Yea Erin, and good for you! I agree, things can be so misinterpreted in writing, especially when people are having a bad day or just have a chip on their shoulders. I hear you and I've had things happen that have made me really sad because of stuff like that through blog land, so I'm sorry. I dwell on them way too long as well, so really, good for you!
Oh, man, I remember when that happened, and I was so surprised. I think you are one of the most genuine bloggers out there.
Totally agree with Kristina. Seriously, the fact that you even mention not wanting to offend people or being taken wrong shows that you are very considerate and I can't imagine you being insincere. Anyway just know that I always love to read you, the more YOU the better. :)
I think when you reach the point where you love and accept yourself for everything you are as well as everything you are not other people's opinions stop mattering to you.
The only thing different between my journal and my blog would be vent sessions that could hurt specific people who I know read my blog, or who might read my blog.
Aside from that I am willing to lay myself open for criticism because, quite honestly, there are very few people whose opinions of me truly matter to me.
I also came to the conclusion that I am never the only one. By my being open & honest I give other people permission to accept the same thing about themselves.
Does that make sense?
I'm so sorry that happened to you! How crappy! I've never doubted your authenticity. Ever.
Love this post. It's like a manifesto...a declaration. You're moving forward, opening yourself up despite past hurts, and that is all kinds of awesome (as are you).
It's a hard thing to find balance between feeling authentic, and keeping your private stuff private. There have to be boundaries because generally speaking, taking things to extremes isn't good (trust me, I've done it).
Personally, I choose what thoughts to blog about based on whether I get the "Hey, I want to share this!" feeling when I think them. But blogs are as individual as the people who write them, and you get the difficult job of figuring out what feels right to you.
You're already doing fabulous, in my opinion.
I also loved this post. You seem like such a genuine person to me. I can't believe anyone would say that! She must have a lot of time on her hands. And yes, I am blogging for memories AND the great money. After a month and a half of blogging I've made $9.56. My husband just asked me, "now how much is that an hour?"
I've read several of your posts today. You are fabulous!
I think in the first place that you were judged by someone else's inauthentic conscience.
As for where you are now . . . get it, girl.
I don't know if you ever have a chance to read all your comments and truth be told, I have never commented on any blog before now. I have to say...if someone is dumb enough to take something you said(or anyone for that matter) on here and turn it and twist it and throw it at you...they are not your friend. Friends know that we all have opinions about everything and a real friend will love you no matter what your opinion on any topic. I say, be free and speak (type) whatever yout want. I'm a noboby, but I will still follow you. I think it's great that we all have different thoughts and ideas and opinions on life in general. You go girl is what I say. :)
Some people are weird. I don't think your one of them. Even if you were blogging for the fame (I don't believe you are). Who CARES! I read you because I can relate, and I enjoy what you share. I have never understood the "Haters". If I start to dislike a blog, tv show, movie, author,club etc. I just stop reading, watching, participating no need to go all negative. Keep on Keepn' it real...you know...whenever you have a "Moment". :)
Erin, blogging is a weird world, but it also reflects real life, and in real life, not EVERYone is going to like us or want to be our friend. There will be some falling outs and growing aparts and that's ok. It simply means we don't have enough in common with every single kind of person out there to maintain a lasting relationship. And that's okay. People being mean and criticizing and accusing is not okay, but not liking everyone and everyone not liking you is fine. I've been on both ends. Those of us who are here and reading and enjoying and commenting love to hear what you have to say and are glad to count you among our blog friends. :)
I believe that on most blogs, you can tell if someone is genuine within about 5 posts. That is why I don't haphazardly subscribe to just anyone.
I think we all have our reasons for blogging, which may cover MANY areas, and that is ok. I say, if you don't like it, don't read it. And if you want to say something that could be considered mean, send it in an email (unless they don't have it listed).
Erin, I know how it feels to hang on to something hurtful that someone has said. I think it's great that you are letting go. That's a really hard thing to do.
You know, I have struggled with that whole blog-identity thing since I have been writing. I look back on my early posts and I am almost embarassed because initially it seemed so... contrived. I just wasn't sure how to put myself out there. Not that I had any readers or anything, LOL.
It's taken me a while to be myself on my blog. I don't see that in your blog at all -- I have ALWAYS gotten the feeling that you are very authentic in your writing!
At the end of the day, this is YOUR space. You have every right to put your personal stamp on your words. Don't let one judgemental person make you question yourself. It's not worth your time or energy.
Keep being YOU! I always come back to catch up because I like you the way you are. :)
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