My list of favorite books is small. I have a bookshelf in my bedroom, one of those great big IKEA double wide ceiling high bookshelves filled with all sorts of French textbooks, novels, scrapbooks, church manuals and scriptures, and other books. I have one shelf that holds my favorite books. And this book will be going on that shelf.
It is called The Actor and the Housewife, by Shannon Hale. Even though she doesn't know who I am, I'm pretty sure she wrote it for me. The dedication page may as well have said, "To Erin, because I know you're gonna love it." I mean, the story includes not only a stay at home mom and a famous actor, but a French supermodel. It just oozes awesomeness.If I have to boil the story down to one sentence, it would be a question: Can two people of the opposite sex be friends, not just casual friends, but have a real friendship, if they are both happily married to other people? Christian and I have had many conversations about this, actually, both recently and in the past (hi Jennifer! Hi Josh!) But then Shannon added in the fact that the man Becky (the housewife) befriends is a famous actor named Felix Callahan. Not only a famous actor, but the actor of her dreams, the top man on Her List. Very interesting subject matter...
This is how much I liked the book: I stayed up until 1:00 in the morning to finish reading it (I never do that). I took it rock hunting with us in case I got an extra minute to sit and read (I read five pages). I borrowed the book from the library, but I HAVE to purchase it because I HAVE to own it.
Five out of five stars. Like I said, pure awesomeness.
If you want to, you can answer either or both of these questions in the comments:
1. Do you think people of the opposite sex can be good friends if they are happily married to other people?
2. Who would be the actor at the top of Your List?
47 people wanted to leave a comment:
I totally have this in my queue. I really want to read this!
I'm glad you wrote the review---I saw this book but wasn't sure I wanted to read it. Now I'm anxious to go check it out.
In answer to your questions:
1)I don't think people of the opposite sex that are NOT married can be just good friends. And I have the horrid experiences to prove it.
2)My top actor changes---but today it's Steve Zahn.
I can't wait to read it!
I don't know if people can be good friends with someone of the opposite sex if they are married? I guess as long as there are boundries and you are not telling your BFF things that you should be telling your spouse. It's tricky.
Top of my list is Ed Westwick of Gossip Girl. (chuck bass)
I do think that people of the opposite sex can be good friends even if they are happily married to other people. I'm related (by marriage) to most of the men I'm good friends with, but I think that counts.
After seeing The Lord of the Rings films, I fell in love with Viggo Mortensen. Yes, he was dirty and sweaty through most of the movie, but I thought it was hot. I tend to like men who have a lot of character. Men who look a little weathered, like they've really lived life.
Oh, I forgot to say, I also tend to veer toward older actors. Like Morgan Freeman. I think he's divine.
I will have to chekc this out from the Library.
#1)Yes--it think it is possible. Some of my best friends are men that are married.
#2)How to choose?! I, too, fell in love with Viggo in the Lord of the Rings movies.
1. My husband and I recently had this conversation after we had a couple close to us go through it. It caused LOTS of jealously issues with them. My husband doesn't think it's possible, and I agree. IF you are friends as a couple with another couple, that's totally different. There are men that I like, as friends, but I would never imagine chatting with them on the phone about my day or talking with them about my marriage. I think that would be verging on an emotional affair.
2. That FRIENDS episode caused me to create my list. It's constantly changing... George Clooney, Mark Ruffalo, Peter Krause... We do each have a food network boyfriend/girlfriend though (I know, we're dorks): Bobby Flay for me, Giada for him. :)
I have a best guy friend from college. We aren't as close as we used to be, due to distance, etc., but my husband and his wife have no worried about us talking on the phone, etc.
However, if we go to lunch or something, I am always VERY aware of my surroundings and making sure no one assumes we are flirting, etc.
I think Barbaloot may be my "sista from another mista" with that Steve Zahn comment. I love him!
But I'm skipping ahead - I do think married people of the opposite sex can be great friends. It's all about the boundaries, baby.
And now if you'll excuse me, I have to go buy a book...
I think that couples being friends with other couples is great.. but one one with the opposite sex, that just seems weird to me.
1) Yes. But I think it's probably a rare and wonderful thing for it to be smooth and happy and all things good.
2) Hrmm...tricky one. Oooo! I know! David Tennant for certain.
1. I think that friendship like that IS possible, but I also think you should never be alone together. I also think that any conversations by phone or online should never be done in privacy, in my case, only when my husband is present and can overhear or look over my shoulder (my rule, not his).
I have heard several people talk about that book...I'm going to have to track it down somehow.
Being freinds with a member of the opposite sex....possible, but tricky. At least that's what I think anyways.
I think it's a fine line between being good friends and crossing the line. I think you have to have boundaries. I also think everybody has a different boundary. Some people are okay getting together, some people aren't. I think as long as you know your boundaries, it could work.
and Viggo Mortenson is totally on my list. He was hot in LOTR, and he was hot in Hidalgo.
Great to hear about a good book, I'll add it to my list:).
I've thought a lot about that question as well. Dillon and I are each other's best friends, and so I don't feel the need to be friends with anyone else. We both know that problems can arise if a great friendship exists with a member of the opposite sex, so we choose to stay safe. I don't mind having couple friends together, but I would just feel uncomfortable putting myself in a situation where I was emotionally connected with another man.
I read on a forum once about his topic...it was pretty sad. A couple chose to limit frienships of the opposite sex, and most of the people in the forum were saying that they just didn't trust each other, etc. I don't believe that is true. I believe that if you put yourself in a situation to be tempted someday, then it will happen. Better, IMO, to just not have the chance to even be tempted!
So, you ARE giong to answer the question too, right? It looks like, from the reviews on Goodreads, that the people who didn't like it don't agree with a good friendship of the opposite sex when married, and those who did like it, do think it's okay. I'd love to hear if you think that's the case with the reviews, or what you think:).
1. Anything's possible I guess, but I think having a close friend of the opposite sex when you're married is just plain stupid. Way to put yourself in a risky situation. Plus no matter how "understanding" your spouse is, you're still taking something away from them by having that other friend.
2. Mark Ruffalo. Mmmmmmm.
I've seen this at the library and contemplated checking it out on more than one occasion. Consider the contemplation over. I'm already on my way there.
1. Friends: yes. Good friends: Too risky.
2. MATT DAMON.
1. I think it's risky. We have just had friends go through an excommunication because the friends got a little too close. So that has kind of clouded my judgement on that one.
2. I have been hearing good things about this book, so I'm anxious to check it out. I don't know what book in particular is at the top of my list. There are quite a few I want to read. . .
Always appreciate a good book rec, so thanks Erin. I am reading Julie & Julia right now before I see the movie and LOVE IT.
1. Yes. I am still friends with many of the men I was friends with before I married. It is always about honor and integrity and being respectful to my husband. He is friends with women he knew before me, same thing.
And Patrick Dempsey AND Mark Ruffalo. LOL. Yes, I want two picks.
YAY! I love new awesome books!!! Thanks Erin! I am in need of something like this right now :) And to answer your questions.... I have a friend Shaun who I have been just friends with since high school. It has never and would never be anything more. And we are both married.. or whatever. So, yes I will say that I think you can actually just be friends and never look at it differently. I think I would consider him one of my best friends actually.
AND MY actor of choice? Channing Tatum he's in Step Up, Step Up 2, She's the Man... google him. he's gorgeous.
Okay, so I have friends from before marriage that I keep in touch with. But it's just keeping in touch. Through facebook, occasional emails about the family. But not real, in depth emails, or private conversations. I think as long as you never cross into the "would I do/say this if my spouse were present?" territory, then you are okay.
As to my list... maybe I'm a traditionalist... based on looks alone, Hugh Jackman, and Brad Pitt.
Perhaps based on acting skill... I'd love to know Adrian Brody, and Johnny Depp. Oh, and Chris Martin, from Coldplay.
Keeping checking back for more comments- from the looks of the traffic feed on the right, TUCSON is stalking you...
I CANNOT believe I forgot Collin Firth. HELLO- Mr. Darcy!
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! Not only am I a huge fan of Shannon Hale, I'm huge fan of ... okay, I guess one reason was good enough.
I know where I'm going tonight ...
I think I should read this... I'm trying to get back into reading books.
I have a shelf of books I've read. If you want, I could send you some.
Otherwise they're going to the thrift store. (I have tiny shelves...)
Hey Erin. No, I do not believe two people of the opposite sex should be friends if they are both married! I have a few crappy experiences to prove it.....I think for a women it is possible, but for a man it's not, there is always something more on their mind.
I think so, although many men disagree. But any relationship I had with a man while I was committed to someone else would be strictly platonic. Once someone has entered my friend zone, he stays there pretty much for life.
Looks like a great book! And that question? I would like to think it's possible to be friends, but I've never seen it happen well in real life. One party or the other gets hurt...
This may sound a bit old-school, but I think once there is any sense of attraction discovered the friendship is pretty much history. It is more natural for men and women to be MORE than friends than just friends. It is a tricky thing to navigate.
1. Not if they are attractive.
2. Johnny Depp.
I ran across this blog post, and I thought I would share my story, although it is somewhat long.
I believe it is possible to be married and have a best friend of the opposite sex, but I also know it isn't for everybody.
I met my female best friend early on in Junior High. I admit that there might have been something "more" right off the bat, but that quickly faded and turned into a lasting friendship. She became to me the sister I never had, and we confided in each other. I suffered :) through her boyfriends (who were often my friends, too), and she always knew there was a shoulder to turn to when those relationships failed her.
Even her parents knew where we stood. I was the only guy allowed in her room. :)
I got married, and I was extremely fortunate to have a wife who had grown up with a guy best friend. My wife knew how important my best friend of so many years was to me. My best friend was often found at our house just hanging out with us. My wife considered my best friend her friend also.
I watched over my best friend until she married. Then I backed off, as I didn't consider it my responsibility or even right to stand in a place I had occupied for so many years. Her husband (also a friend from my past) was plenty understanding of our friendship. When we lived closer to each other, we even got together as couples whenever we could and had a lot of fun.
My best friend and I are still in contact. I actually think of her and her family often. I just feel so blessed to have had my best friend there for me for so many years. I am even more blessed to know that if I ever truly needed her for anything, she would be there for me.
I have been missing and out of the blog world for a bit. Oh it is good to be back. And to have such a fun topic to discuss. This book is now at the top of my que. Okay
I do believe that you can be just friends with a man that is also married. But there has to be boundaries. I truly believe that we need friends like this
Oh I have a lot of top guys on my list
Patrick Dempsey, Johnny Depp, Matthew McCoughnhey and Christian Bale to name a few
Great way to get people fired up, talking about hot actors!
no way, on the friends question.
Well, everyone took mine, Johnny Depp. I will just say Cary Grant, too bad he is dead.
Rosey
I haven't read the previous comments. But no, I don't think people of the opposite sex can be good friends if they're happily married to other people. My father-in-law is now married to his "good friend." Totally traumatizing experience. Glad I came into the family AFTER that all happened. But the effects are still there.
Anyway, favorite actor? Hmm... Right now, Josh Lucas. He's the Alabama half of Sweet Home Alabama. :)
#1)The friends of the opposite sex thing is tricky after you're married. For it to work you have to know yourself, your relationship with both husband & friend and then I think it takes boundaries and transparency--not doing or saying anything you wouldn't if your spouse was there.
#2)I'd take Hugh Jackman (that body & that accent!) or George Clooney.
I think you can have a best friend of the opposite sex as long as there are no strange feelings with your spouse. Your spouse always needs to come first and they need to know that but I think that is the same case with best friends that are the same sex. Your spouse's feelings need to come first.
I do think people of the opposite sex can be good friends, but not too good of friends. (No going out to dinner together, or things of that nature.)
My husband and I insist on not having "the list" in an effort to maintain complete loyalty. Why even entertain the thought, you know what I mean?
Adding this to my "To Read" pile! I've seen it before but wasn't sure about it.
And I think they CAN be friends, but not everyone can manage it.
My actor used to be Brad Pitt until he turned all slimy. Now, I think Robert Pattinson might just give me a mid-life crisis - and I'm no where near my mid-life!
Nope, too dangerous. As a woman we all know that there are times in marriage where you go through a dip. If your good friend is a guy, and you are going through a dip, it's dangerous. If you can't be close to a friend when you are vulnerable, probably best not to be close friends.
I went to one of her signings at the bookstore and got this book signed and it's sitting on my shelf because I can't have it be my 'on the go' book now. I really really want to read this, I think it'll be next in fact.
Hey if you haven't bought one yet, email me, we need to chat a bit.
I don't know if people of the opposite sex can be good friends because I have never had one (neither has my husband) and I am not really willing to find out. I have heard some disaster stories, however. I will have to check the book out :)
1. You can be friends, but I think being close friends is just asking for trouble. (Did you see the article in the September Ensign about this topic?) Even if nothing questionable goes on, it's hard to not compare your spouse to the other person and it's also hard to "avoid the appearance of evil." It seems like jealousy would easily ensue.
2. I'm only 25, but after watching a bunch of A-Team reruns, I've got a little thing for George Peppard. Weird, right? But he was kind-of cute, if not weird, in Breakfast at Tiffany's.
I stayed up way too late (early?) finishing that book, too. I give it 4 1/2 stars. Just because i DON"T think married men and women can be good friends. Interesting that this topic came up. Check out September's Ensign about emotional fidelity.
And I don't have a "list" for the same reason. For one thing, my hubby is absolutely hot, and no actor holds a candle to him. While I don't want to go to lunch with him, I sure like watching Matt Damon on the big screen.
I am adding this to my wish list! It sounds great!!!!
And as you know...the story line will really peek my interest! Can't wait to read it!
I borrowed this from our library. I'm excited to read it. The actor at the top of my list would be. . . the rock. Not really a fantatstic actor, but whoa, is he good looking.
Just realized, looking over the trail, that I never did comment on this one.
Funny things is, when I first read this post, my gut reaction was that no, I didn't think men and women could be close friends like that.
And then I stood back and realized that some of my closest friends are male--two of which are members of my critique group. Um, duh. :)
They are truly great friends and are like brothers to me, and I feel grateful to have them in my life. They hear me whine and complain, and are huge supporters for me even when we aren't around the critique table. I know I can count on them for anything, and I know their wives aren't a smidge jealous of me, because they all know it's plain, true friendship and nothing more.
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